Monday, April 30, 2012


I had one of those days yesterday.
The kind where you want to cry from the moment you get up to the moment you go to sleep.
The kind where you wake up and know that it would have been better if you hadn't.
The kind where you leave your bed and immediately regret it.
Because this day is bad.
Very, very bad.
I walked home from church.
Thats an hour and a half walk.
But it didn't soothe me like it usually would.
Usually being physically tired takes the edge off.
But not for this day.
I went to bed at 7pm.
Sleep always makes things better.
Except when it doesn't.
I woke up this morning on edge.
Wishing again that I could pull the covers high over my head, and disappear in the folds of fabric.
Its been another one of those days.

Whats the matter?
And everything.
The future.
The past.
And all thats in-between.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

That Time Hailey Invited Me to Answer Some Questions

Oh Blog chains. Sometimes you're cute. 
Even though I almost never follow your rules.

1. Post these rules
2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random things
3. Answer the question set for you in the original post
4. Create 11 new questions and tag people
5. Let them know they've been tagged

I often try to take pictures of myself without people around me noticing. Yes, it often involves me pretending I'm not taking a picture of myself. And yes, I'm pretty much always taking photos of myself. 

I can't handle people yelling at me. I.Hate.It.

One time, someone I knew blatantly avoided me. Like saw me on the other side of a doorway they were walking through, and awkwardly turned on their heel and left through a different door. When the person explained later, they said they knew I had enough gumption to not be offended. Offended? No. Cried for ten minutes after in a church bathroom? Yes.

I read this post today. And I thought, for what isn't the first time, yup, I never planned my life past graduating. And I'm having a hard time coming up with any plan. Even a tentative one. I had a friend ask me where I saw myself in 6 months. And I didn't even have a whisper of an idea.

Matty text me in the middle of the night to tell me that someone {cough Laura cough} had used Brackening and it was now taking off in a wildly successful manner. {And I just love that}

My oral surgery faculty member took me and two other students to the prison hospital to work on inmates. He not only complimented my abilities, but he offered to sign off my final competency for the rotation. I felt pretty darn good about my tooth extraction skills after that. Of course the next day, when all the residents were jerks to me and kept having me assisting the third year, my ego came right back down. #thecircleofschoollife

I literally have no idea where I'm going to physically live after dental school. Alberta for now... but where in Alberta?

It takes me a long time to get comfortable with things. I'm just starting to feel really settled in crossfit and its sad that I'm leaving so soon. I'm going to miss crossfit backbay. And I hate that new feeling of new places and new people. Too bad thats the only sure thing in my future. 

Often I harbour foolish hopes for foolish plans. 

I just got a few boxes to start packing up my things. {Which I'm sure my family is excited about} I'm moving. Craziness.

I'm going to watch the Mental Blocks tonight. Who are they? Oh just a band Dr. Moran and a few other faculty members started. Yup, its gonna be awesome!
And now for the questions
1. if you met someone and hated their name, would that influence if you dated them?
Absolutely. The name Greg for instance. Ug. Its so gross to me. Gregory was a kid in my elementary school and he picked his nose and wiped it all over his desk. I can't hear the name Greg without thinking of him. Gag.

2. what is your proudest moment?
Ug. I guess I was really proud of myself when I got accepted into dental school. That feeling wore off real quick though. But I really like when people love the gifts I've picked out. Makes me feel super great. 

3. what is your favorite way to procrastinate?
Television. Hands down, I could lose hours to online streaming television shows. I love reading but I that takes a bit of focus for me. And sometimes I'm too distracted to be able to do it.

4. if you could only eat one kind of dessert forever what would you choose?
Sour punch bits in tangerine-lemonade.
They're sooo delicious. And I'm pretty sure discontinued except via Amazon.
But real dessert? Something bread product related. Like hot cross buns. I freaking love hot cross buns. Or biscuits. Or scones!

5. do you feel awkward talking to people who are wearing sunglasses that you can see your reflection in or is that just me?
110% Awkward. Because all I do is stare at my own reflection. Oh vanity.

6. do you love anything striped right now?
Just now? Lets be real... stripes are a good home base for me. They're no polka dots but they're pretty good.

7. do you write in a journal and blog? why?
I do both because I need somewhere to place my thoughts. Turns out I have a lot of thoughts. It's nice having somewhere to write them down. And I use them both for different things. Sometimes its nice to put out into the world how I feel and other times I need to be able to express myself without feeling like I need to worry about what I say or how I portray myself. My journal is for me. And me alone. And I don't have to be anyone but who I am. And while I try to be as authentic as possible, I'm only human and full of insecurities. So its necessary to have some place like that. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but I wish I felt more like that in the real world; less pressure to be someone else and more acceptance for the person I am right now. I know that life is about growth and living up to our potentials, but its also nice to feel like, as a base to our potential, there is a general acceptance for the person we are in this exact moment. Writing has become a cathartic way for me to try to accept myself, more than anything. And it's hard. So very hard. 

8. what is your unrealistic fantasy career?
I wish so badly that I had gotten to do gymnastics as a kid.
Even now I wish I was a gymnast and could do all the crazy athletic things they do.
Is 25 too old to start being a gymnast? Ha.

9. what is the most awkward situation you can think of?
That time when I was on a first date and off handedly mentioned that my date must be really busy being a first year law student. To which, he didn't reply. For like an entire minute. And then turned and went "Who's a first year law student? Cause its not me."
Ug. I still cringe. And I still don't know why I thought he was in law school. I don't even know anyone in law school. 

10. are you an organized person?
I'm organized in my school scheduling. Like OCD organized. Like faculty and staff often comment on my organization and persistent attitude. But when it comes to my room or personal things... not so much.

11. have you ever had to tell someone that you couldn't be their friend anymore?
Not in so many words. I think drifting happens naturally. I think its sad every time and I often hold on to the remains of nothing for far too long. I'm horribly nostalgic.

My brain hurts. 
The End.


Dear Crossfit
I'm typing this letter from the grave.
Because you have murdered me today.

Dear Push Press
Remember that time when I
was practicing you and slammed
the bar into my face? No?
Guess it was a little more memorable
for me.
{lacking in coordination}

Dear Scones
I freaking want your English
 bready body like no body's 
business. I've been craving
you for legit a week. 
{Who wants to find me some?}

Dear Oral Surgery Rotation
I'm super happy I only have one week left.
And except for the one day where all the
residents hated me, I've kinda enjoyed you.
{Hospital Assistants said I was in first 
place for extractions. Win!}

Dear Self
Lets get real.
It doesn't mean anything. And it
doesn't mean that you should let
that wild imagination go running.
{Doesn't matter}

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Dental Prom 2012 - The Party Party

The Arrival
We left our Crossfit Party, which was only a couple blocks away from the location of the Gala - At the swanky Fairmont Copely Plaza Hotel. But before we could walk up to the location the girls needed to change into entrance worthy shoes!

It was crazy, because Dan had been walking a bit behind us (since he stopped at an ATM) and we had been moving swiftly to get to the party knowing he'd catch up. Well, when he did catch up, he held up one of my earrings. Which I had apparently lost as we walked, and he had miraculously found. It was crazy. But really awesome. I mean, I would have definitely sported one earring if I needed to (since I usually only wear one), but I was glad he found it - especially since my earrings were a big hit at the party

And of course we needed to get one last group shot!

The Cocktail Hour
The Cocktail Hour was insane. They had us in one room and it was super packed, that legitimately you had to weave between people. It was crowded. Really crowded. But I stuck with my a-mingling. And was relieved when they opened the banquet doors and let us in to sit at our tables. It was kind of awkward and I was definitely wishing that I felt more comfortable because I feel like I wanted to take more pictures but didn't. 

Alana Gilgurd, Kim Schechter, Meg McGrath, Sabrina Hartman, Sunny

Of course my girl Sunny was stunning. She never wears dresses, so coming to the gala in one was a big deal. But she looked so great! Sunny has been working super hard on being the healthiest version of herself that she can be and she looks awesome as a result! I definitely feel like I could learn a few things from her commitment and example. 

Aaron and Sabrina
Lucinda, Julia Barbagallo, Me, Lauren Greco
Lucinda totally photo bombed this. Which was awesome. 
Greco recently joined our softball team, and I love it. She says and does the most hilarious things (for instance, that time she ran to first and the pass to first was over thrown so we all started yelling for her to run to second and she distinctly shook her head no and stayed where she was). And I'm really glad that I've gotten a chance to hang out with her more. She's a really funny lady.

Sunny, Me, LB and Myrna Zohni
The Dinner
The Banquet Hall was gorgeous. Though I think this location was smaller than last years
It was fun to sit at a table with my friends and eat a delicious meal. We actually had two empty seats at our table, because we had planned for John and Tamsen to sit with us, but they joined the group that hate being friends. Ha. Just kidding, they did bail, but I'm told on their end it's not because they hate us. They just would rather have a couples party night at Top of the Hub. 
But we did miss them. 
The benefit of them not coming was that our waitstaff brought their chairs meals, which Aaron and Dan joyously consumed!


MAIN DISH - Chicken Option

MAIN DISH - Vegetarian Option

Chocolate Mousse.

Holy crap everything about this dinner was phenomenal. The Salad, The Chicken, The Dessert. I loved every part of it. And my mouth was supremely happy for this meal. Plus, I just love the people at my table. Sabrina and Aaron, Mike Rolin, Dee, and the Barry's are among my favourite people. 

Plus there was that fun time when LB just took a bajillion photos of me at the table. HA. 

You can always count on the Barry's to take my camera to take pictures of me. Its quite nice.

In between courses, we would get up and get pictures with people that were walking around.

Picture with Dean Hutter

Ms. Held runs the extramural program (aka the International Externships), so she has a special place in our hearts for all the hard work she did organizing our trips abroad!
Derek Martin, Ms. Held, Lucinda, Me
And Dr. Moran is just a wonderful guy.
He wrote a poem for our yearbook (small fact: I was on the yearbook committee and wrote the paragraph introducing him in the yearbook, as well as designing quite a few pages).
He plays on our softball team.
He's a clinic favourite.
And he has an upcoming gig, for his new band (which is mostly faculty members and going to be the first time he sings in public). 
Dr. Moran and Myself

Derek Martin, Dee Gulis, Aaron Baumler, The Barry's

These are my best friends.
Sometimes, it really bums me out that life has no choice but to change in just under a month. Because I love spending so much time with my friends. And I know that when we aren't together I will miss them terribly. 
I really was very lucky to find such wonderful people to be friends with. Which is why I feel that I've been trying to spend as much time with them as possible. Because our days together are numbered. 
Things at our school are tense, especially with all the pressure and stress that comes with trying to graduate. And the school does not make it easy. Many of my classmates hate BU and veto school functions as a form of protest (it's actually unreal how many people aren't going to graduation). The thing I don't understand is that these functions aren't for the school. They're for US. They're a time for us to get together and spend our limited time together. Graduation isn't about the school. Its about us, as students and celebrating all that we've accomplished! So, when my classmates veto school functions, I hate it. Because they aren't punishing the school. We will never have another Gala to go to together. They're separating themselves from their friends who love and want to spend time with them before we all go our separate ways. And that blatant disregard for the relationships we have formed, is hard for me to understand. 

"Say Vegetables!"
I was very excited for the dancing portion of the evening. 

Dr. Moran and Dr. Calabrese started the dance off, dancing hilariously together, and the moment the music began and they got their time to shine on the dance floor, it was packed!

I'm a ridiculous dancer. And as such people took a lot of photos of me dancing. But I kinda like it. 

Me, Hayley Buchholz and Lucinda

Sunny, Andrew Miller and Lucinda

This picture makes me SOOOOO happy. I love it. Seriously so much. 

Josh Morrow
 Dan decided that we needed prom shots and was kind enough to be my prom date :)

Of course he made sure to get one with his wife as well.

Lucinda decided to be adorable and get a picture saying she's reserved (insert aww's here). 

So when they suggested I hold up the sign, I did the only thing that made sense. 

Pouted like I meant it.
And I love that Mike is also disapproving in the background. 

Andrew and I (and the creepiest partial face in the background)

Tim Smith and I have known each other since our days of Excel. So naturally we needed an Excel photo. 
When excel was coming to an end, but before we met our other classmates, we used to call them De-cellers. Ha. So foolish. 

Excellers For Life!

All in all, it was a fun night. I missed the friends who weren't there, but we had a great time even still!