Monday, November 30, 2009

Freedom Aint Cheap

My body apparently knew it was the night before a big exam. Cause I woke up at 4am and every hour until I finally decided at 6 to just get up. No use fighting it. Body - you win. And are a jerk. Waking up was odd though. Usually I'm still sleepy for hours after I wake up. If I didnt think coffee is totally disgusting and against the plan I'm sure I'd be a coffee person. But not this morning. Wide awake. Some may even say bushy-tailed. I got dressed and ate slowly. I didnt do the nervous last minute studying. Instead I read blogs that were updated. Sometimes you just have to accept that what will be will be.

I had my route thought out... but I was a little unclear as to where to go. I'd never been to the building it was in. And it was in a part of town I'm not very familiar with. I knew I needed to take the silver line to south station but I was hoping from there I'd be able to walk the rest of the way.

But I didnt account for the fact that I would get off the bus and not know which direction to walk. I turned right and began walking to what looked like the highway. I got a couple blocks and started to feel unsure. I left early enough to be able to walk to the testing center. But not early enough to get lost. And I most certainly didnt know I was walking in the right direction. I tried to ask a man on the street. He had no idea. I had to make a decision. Being late for my exam... well that just wouldnt do.

So I hurried into the Train station to find an ATM. There were cabs everywhere but I didnt have any cash on me to pay for a cab ride. I was starting to get that tell-tale twist in my stomach. This was not how I wanted the morning to go. Why werent the directions more specific? Seriously who knows where Summer Street is? Luckily there was a ATM. After it rejecting my credit card I used my debit. I'm still unclear about their debit system here. Everything seems like a credit card to me. But I got into a taxi and told him the address - 27 Wormwood Street. My least favorite thing ever is when Taxi drivers give you the look like they have no clue where that is. Do they not realize that obviously I'm getting into a taxi because I dont know where it is either. I know its unreasonable to expect them to know every street but come on. If I give you the general direction you better be able to find the right location.

So off we went. The most silent cab ride ever. Usually cabs play music, or the cabbie annoyingly talks on his hands free head set. But this cabbie was mute. As was his car. As we drove I was glad I didnt walk. Cause there were alot more turns than I had anticipated. I surely wouldnt have made it on time. Plus it was farther than I thought. So we get to a street and he goes "27 right?" I look at the street sign and it says Wormwood Way/Place. And so I tell him that I'm pretty sure its Wormwood Street. And he says this is the only Wormwood he knows of. And so he pulls over. And what does he pull out? His GPS. Are you freaking kidding me? Why dont all taxi drivers just drive with their GPS already out? Especially if you dont know for sure where the place is. So he inputs the address, confirming that its "street". And to my slight embarrassment we were on the right street, like two buildings away. But seriously, what if it had been the wrong street. I wasn't getting out of that taxi without knowing I was in the right place. So I pay and get out.

This building does not look like a testing center. Not even a little bit. It looks like apartments. When I signed up for this test I was expecting a big room filled with computers. And a building that looks like a highschool or something. Or like a big testing arena like they have in undergrad in the gyms. But I'm here and its getting close to the time I'm supposed to start. So I go in. I'm sure I looked lost. Big eyed and looking anxiously to and fro. Clear sign I think. Luckily the guy behind the plexi-glass clearly recognized the look of someone about to take a major test that was lost. He asked me if I was here to take a test and then pointed me in the right direction with the instruction to follow the signs.

I entered and right in front of me was Amit. Seeing the other person you know is taking the exam is always a good sign. But this prometric site was so strange. Maybe I'm just not used to this style of exam taking but you tell them you've arrived. And then you sit in this waiting room. Basically its like a doctors office. You sit and wait and then one by one they call your name and you get to go behind the next doors. You cant bring anything in tho except you ID. And the locker key you used to lock your jacket up with. Amit and I sat and made some small talk. But mostly we were quiet. I prayed. I mean I had prayed when I woke up. And on the bus. And in the taxi. But seriously, I needed some divine help. So I prayed more.

Amit got called in first. But I didnt wait much longer. The people running this were all old. Super old. Must be a requirement of the job. So I enter the back room. And there are two desks. Amit was at one and I sat at the other. And these two old men checked us in. I signed in. Then he checked my ID's. Apparently he's never seen an Alberta license before. I can imagine its not all that common out here. And then I got my index finger prints scanned. Yup - you read that right. I had to get finger printed to write this exam. Apparently they mean business. Finger printing. Unheard of. And last but not least they took my photo. Then he showed me into another room and led me to my computer. They had noise canceling head phones. The kind construction workers wear. I put them on immediately. There's something nice about a complete lack of sound. Plus spending seven hours listening to other people typing and clicking would get old real fast.

Mmm the test. The first half was ok. I had three and a half hours to write 200 questions. So I put my head down and went for it. There were a few questions that I didnt even know what they were talking about but for the most part I at least recognized what the question was asking for. Whether I knew the answer was a different story. The most annoying part is recognizing a question from an old exam and not remembering the answer. Or even worse, realizing I read over that topic but not remembering the details.

Once I was finished with the first 200, I had the option of taking an hour break. But come on... really I had no where to go and what was I gonna do for an hour? So I took a five minute break to make a washroom run and came right back.

I think I got a little cocky from Round One. I didnt feel completely unprepared in Round One. Which I suppose makes it only fair that Round Two would knock me right back down. I always knew that Pathology and Microbiology would be the bane of my existence. But seriously - why did they need to make Round Two so hard? I hate feeling like I know nothing. Which I guess is why I should of studied more. But honestly, no matter how many times I read over the different types of bacteria's out there plaguing the world, I will not remember specifically what makes one barely different from another. And all the diseases. Bah. If someone could just come up with vaccines for all these freaking diseases I wouldnt have to know them anymore right? We should put money into that. Round Two took me alot longer than Round One. At least it felt that way. But honestly, once I've been through twice, I figure there's not much more I can do. The questions I marked to come back to later only made me want to switch my answers. And by the time I finished going through it all again, I convinced myself that my answers made sense. Educated guessing and what not.

So I was done. And it only took me like five hours. Oh. That still sounds awful even though its already over. There is nothing left to do though. I said all my prayers. And now I wait. Honestly, it may sound minimalistic, but I'm just hoping for a pass. I just want to pass.

Tonite tho I'm not going to think about the finals I need to start studying for or if I answered the board questions right. Sheila is going to skip her class tonite and we are going to go celebrate. Dinner and New Moon. I'm really excited. And hopefully with the board stress over and done with I can get back to a normal sleep pattern. Cause every night all-nighters are overrated. Big time.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Wanna See What Nervous Looks Like?

T-minus 14 hours, 25 minutes, 31 seconds and counting.
Man I shoulda studied more.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Study [Extended] Break

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!

And yes. Instead of studying this morning, I H-core did my hair and makeup.
Tell me it was a good use of my time.
Cause I'm pretending it was.

Monday, November 23, 2009


I spend far too much time looking at the past. I know that. Remembering the little moments that mean nothing to anyone but me. I cant seem to help it though. I want to hold those moments - close to my chest. For as long as I can. Because they are more swirling dreams than reality now. And while I grasp them tight, they seep through my fingers and into the air. They are part of a different life - a different time. That no longer exists. I'm not the same. The people arent the same. My life is not the same. And thinking of them transports me back to that moment. I feel the same feelings. I smell the same smells. I see it just the way it was. And its a strange comfort. Comforting to know where I have been. To remember the things I have seen and felt. I think thats probably why I do it. Its my haunting melody. The one you cant get out of your head. Part of the person I am now, is the moments that shaped me. But its odd for me. Cause things that were significant to me, might not even be remembered by the other people party to it. For instance, once upon a time I met a boy. Said boy is now married. And I'm perfectly happy for him. But I still have the letters he sent me. And sometimes I read them. And I remember how much he made me smile.

Here's a few of my favorite lines. 
-id just like to thank u for your email,it really was just what i needed. it made me smile when u explained how hard it hit u, i am really glad u are that concerned with my life, cause i feel the same way towards u. i genuinely care for u and how u are doing. and u have made this last month thruely blissful (i know it sounds pretty gay, but its true). everythign felt so natural between us, nothing was forced. we both have our differences, but the differences that u have from me, are things that i admire and things i wish i had for myself, things that i want to have for myself. i love how u stand up for yourself without even a second thought and that u wont let anyone push u around, your very strong mentally and physically, your as tough as nails. and nothing intimidates, but your also  very affectionate and u arent afraid to show it. u are just a great girl and  u really helped to calm my nerves thoughout all the things i have been preparing for and going through for this last month, up to this very minute. 

-another thing.... i couldnt stop laughing when you were talking about your sneaky little fingers, pure genius, u should get that copywrited or something. i actually did laugh out loud when i read it, and nothing makes me laugh out loud while im reading it except for calvin and hobbes, so your in good company.

-i just arrived back from my little sisters basketball, and i dont know what got in me, but i had absolutely no mercy, at times i had even shocked myself with things i had done, i swatted girls at least 7 times... and worst of all is that i wasnt only picking on my sister and my cousin. but girls that i had never met before, any thing that wasnt in a wheelchair was fair game, but even the wheelchair girls would have to keep their heads up, or else they would get a stick right in their spokes. i guess i just need an outlet for all my built up rage and aggression, and i couldnt find my dog, so little girls are the next best thing.....

-im glad it didnt gross u out about my sweater, im pretty sure if it were anyone else, i probably wouldnt had gotten an email back ever again. but it is good to know u are a girl of the same cleanliness and hygiene orientation. i could tell u were from the first moment that i saw u. and then my heart melted. and i preceded to only communicate with u through my eyes for a year or so.... 

-some girls would definitely be offended from a couple of the things that i blurted out... then again, u arent a normal girl, your above average, u know how to keep it real, and i enjoy that you are a realist about most things... especially in a situation like this, people tend to get caught in a fairy tale world that gets blown to smithereens in a couple of months...

I want to believe I learn something true by remembering like I do. That my personal history has more of a point than just being memories. But maybe its not true. Maybe I remember just for the sake of remembering. Because that is where my mind wanders in an off moment. But maybe, just maybe I ought to learn something and that is why the memories flood my mind until I beg for relief. Because those who forget the lessons from the past are doomed to repeat them. And because my memories are ingrained as part of who I am. 


Its official. I'm coming home. Tickets are purchased. Flights are booked.

Flight: Boston to Calgary

Traveler name: Melissa Lowry
Total ticket cost:
Taxes & Fees:

Airfare total:

 Boston (Logan Intl.) to Dallas (Dallas-Fort Worth Intl.)
1:25 PM - 4:55 PM
American Airlines 579
 Dallas (Dallas-Fort Worth Intl.) to Calgary (YYC)
6:15 PM - 9:20 PM
American Airlines 641
 Calgary (YYC) to Dallas (Dallas-Fort Worth Intl.)
6:45 AM - 11:35 AM
American Airlines 1166
 Dallas (Dallas-Fort Worth Intl.) to Boston (Logan Intl.)
1:30 PM - 6:05 PM
American Airlines 844

My only disappointment? I'm leaving Feb. 28. In the morning. I would rather leave at the last possible moment. As in Feb 28. At 11:59pm. So I could spend every last second home. I guess I should just be grateful I get to be home for so long.

Move To Bremerton

I'm tired. I'm frustrated. And I got my grumpy pants on. Seven days till D-day. Then 17 till I'm home. And it cannot come soon enough. I'm done. Like dinner.

Drop out of school and run away. Quit your job, you got a place to stay.
Pack your bags and hitch a ride. Bremerton's a good place to reside.

I'm in if you are.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Try Bravery Instead

One of my favorite time wasters is online browsing.
I will stalk many a website, looking at their clothes and imagining myself in them.
But rarely do I order. Mostly cause I hate when things dont fit and the whole not trying it on is risky business.
But I got brave and ordered some clothes online.
Why? Cause my sunday wardrobe is severely lacking.
And I am completely pleased with the items.
I love when that happens.

Sites I love: (where this skirt is from) (check out PeekoApparel, homelab, necessityisthemother)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


FYI: This is a picture taken in Lethbridge - where I'm going.
I just heard today. Dr. Hall - the doctor I requested for my APEX II (Applied Practical Experience.. not the security system company FYI) got approved. What does that mean? I, Melissa Lowry, will be living it up Alberta style from Christmas to the end of February. In Alberta (in case you missed that part). Am I excited? Lets be real... yes. Do I need to pass my boards so I dont have to spend the entire two months studying? Double yes. :( 

Back to studying.

Friday, November 13, 2009


When I was in grade nine, I had Social with Alanna Gill and Cheryl Oates. They were my only friends in the class. But the second our grade nine teacher called out group work, Alanna and I would race to make eye contact with Cheryl first.  The tension would run thick as we tried to settle out who would go with who. Neither of us wanted to be the odd man out. Because that was the ultimate social slap in the face. And everyone else in class had the perfect "group buddy"... but Alanna and I... nope we had to compete for our group buddy. It was hideous. The most wretched feeling ever. Its like some cruel popularity contest, waiting to get picked for teams. I've always hated group assignments for that. Cause finding partners is just awkward. Stupid groups. I try to avoid group assignments at all cost. Cause I hate the feeling of waiting and hoping someone wants to be your partner. And the rejection when you ask someone and they give you the look (ya know, of ultimate pity) and they try to break it to you nicely they already have a group. While secretly they are SO happy they arent you. Its hideous. I guess I ought to learn to campaign better. Be more on the ball. But I never am. Mmm.. I'm feeling all grade nine teenage-angsty. We have to do groups for next semester. Groups. Bain of my existence. I'd rather work alone.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Bonnie CAN Keep a Secret

Looky what I found when I left my little cave of seclusion.

Consensus is I have great friends.
Today, I've been feeling the down that happens after someone leaves.
Its natural. You have to re-join the life you were living prior to their visit.
But people just kept doing things for me today.
David Alan posted pictures so I can stay up-to-date with his fam.
Lindsay finally blogged (sure it was only to get me off her back but I'll take it).
Amy made me a button.
And Bonnie sent me a package.
Of which I had no prior knowledge (and people say you cant keep a secret!).
Its nice to be reminded I'm not forgotten even tho I'm far away.
I freaking love my friends and fam.
The End.

Button Your Button

Have I mentioned that I love blogging. Cause I do. And I was kinda surprised by it too. Its like blogging snuck up on me. But its seriously such a nice way to connect with other people and get a few things off my chest in the process. And well... I've gotten mildly into the whole blogging universe. As such I've become pals with Amy - remember Amy - gorgeous blonde who offered to make me a button... cause they're all the rage. Well this is what she came up with.

And I'm tickled pink!

She's so awesome. So please feel free to put my button on your blogs.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Here With Me: Day Four

For the last while my hair has been, to put it mildly - a big fat mess. On Monday, it finally was a little on the normal side. On the acceptable side.

So Cathy - here it is.

So on Monday, we planned to go back to our roots (aka we wanted Seafood again).
(Arent our fish faces awesome!)

One of my favorite things about my parents coming is the fact that my roommates usually come out to eat. I donno, its one of the traditions from Edmonton that I've missed here. Because having your roommate come is a nice sign of friendship. And I want my parents to meet the people I live with, spend time with them.

Because well, sure you can live with someone without being their friend, but its so much more enjoyable when you have someone to bond with. And people I bond with, I want to meet the people who are important to me. Its just one of those things.

So Sheila came with. And we laughed at the ridiculousness that is my parents. A few of the highlights...

1. My dad eating raw oysters...

He said they werent
nearly as bad
as he remembered
 them being.

2. Sheila recommended Swordfish to my mom.
When my moms dish came she pointed at this.

And exclaimed: "Look its my swordfish!"
To which I laughed and corrected. Because that was sweet potatoes.
This is sword fish. Silly Momma.

3. We were talking about people getting pregnant at my dads office.
And we were saying how ridiculous it was that there was
like fifteen that were pregnant, to which my mom reply's:
"Guess it was a long hard winter."

Sheila and I died right then and there.

So Sheila and I get in the car. And I want us to take pictures makings faces... She was like "I cant do that." But I made her try anyways.

I forgot how I used to be like that too when Cathy would make me make faces.
I guess I've gotten better.

We were in a food coma tho (phrase of the visit). And as such a little pouty.

Here With Me: Day Two+Three

One word: Slavedrivers

On Saturday these two locked me in the hotel room. And cracked the whip. My mom would poke me awake if I would fall asleep. They both went out to get lunch and had me stay... dont worry they brought me some back. When we went out for dinner it was dark. And I hadnt left the room all day. They were good spirited about it all. And I really did appreciate the encouragement to work. I even knocked a glass of water all over my dads phone (on accident of course). And he just shook the water off and set it on the heating vent to dry off.

On Sunday:
We hurried our way down to Weymouth to watch the Primary Presentation John invited us to. Heather and Amit came too. And let me tell you. Kids are hilarious! There were a few of my personal favorites. There was an adorable little redheaded kid who would wipe his hand in front of his face and change his expression with each swipe of his hand. There was the kid who got up and was talking fine until mid-word he cut off and resorted to a high pitched squeal. The little kid who kept his hands balled up and in front of his eyes the whole time he was talking. And then there was the girl who looked like she was six and talked like she was eighteen. She was mature and impressive. Aiden did a great job too. He quietly told about his family. Abby was adorable through the whole thing - though not old enough to be in the Primary. She played with Heather for awhile and then came and gave me a big hug.

After church, my dad wanted to drive to Cape Cod. Yup... thats right folks... I live close enough to just drive to Cape Cod. Have I? No... I wasnt feeling great so we only made it as far as Plymouth MA. The site of the pilgrims landing.

And if I were the describe this photo op it would be one of eyes wide shut.

I started it off... and my mom ran with it.
The Mayflower II.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Strict Comfort

Sometimes my parents go out shopping.
Sometimes they come back with things like this.
Sometimes they're ridiculous.
Sometimes I love them for it.

For the back of my closet

Dear [Secret]
I could see through your façade from the beginning. But that didnt stop me from wanting to believe in you. It didnt stop me from slowly opening up to you again. From slowly sharing a piece of myself with you. I knew you wouldnt value how hard that was for me. I knew you wouldnt value what I was giving you. But I convinced myself that it was just a small piece. That it wouldnt hurt me to give it. That your power to hurt me was gone. I wanted absolution to the past. And you held that out in front of me, knowing I would be hard pressed to resist. The story I told myself was fool-proof. Except for the memory of my pesky feelings. And that pesky heart. And your words. So ambivalent and full of intrigue. I promised myself that I was just curious and you provided nothing but entertainment. That I knew what I was doing. But I should of known that I wouldnt be able to not hope for you. And that you didnt have it in you to care. You asked for honesty. I gave it to you. You hinted and played on my scarred and bruised heart. Because you knew you could. I should have known better. And I tried my best to ignore it. Because now that you have so anti-climatically left, I am left sitting here. Wondering if I had been less straight forward, if it would of played out differently. If I had been less trusting. And less open to you when you first sought me out. And I know in my mind that your departure really has nothing to do with me. But I cant help but feel that it does. And that somehow I'll never be enough. All I wanted to do was prove I was strong. And now I know I'm not. My pride will not allow me to ask the questions I want to know. What did you want from me? What were you hoping to gain?  You were never real. And I cant decide if you knew the consequences of your actions. Because I hate to believe that anyone would intentionally seek to cause me pain - but you just may be the exception having a history for disregarding my feelings. The past has shown that your words mean nothing. They are just nicely strung together letters. Their meaning never more untrue than when you first uttered them. I knew that I was nothing more than entertainment for you and that your façade could only last so long. I curse myself for knowing better. And checking for any sign I've misread you. I ache knowing my instincts are always right and time again I try to test them. When will I learn? Just know that you have not won. You will not see me calling after you. I have my limits. And I have reached one now. I refuse to invest another moment of my hope in you. Because you are no more than a disappointment waiting to happen. So good luck to you. And goodbye.    

Sunday, November 8, 2009


So I love quizzes. The multitude of facebook quizzes I've taken confirms that. I like when they tell me things I already think are true. Its like a confirmation of sorts. So when my bloggy friend Amy posted an online quiz about your blogging personality... well I couldnt pass that up. 

This is what I got: Not sure its true. 

Your Blogging Type is Kind and Harmonious

You're an approachable blogger who tends to have many online friends.
People new to your blogging circle know they can count on you for support.
You tend to mediate fighting and drama. You set a cooperative tone.
You have a great eye for design - and your blog tends to be the best looking on the block!

Especially since I wouldnt classify my blog as the best looking on the block. I like how it looks. But I know its not over the top. Its simple. And I like that. But I wont be getting any awards for that.
But as with most things, I could see myself picking a different variety of answers as well. And so I got this:

Your Blogging Type is Confident and Insightful

You've got a ton of brain power, and you leverage it into brilliant blog.
Both creative and logical, you come up with amazing ideas and insights.
A total perfectionist, you find yourself revising and rewriting posts a lot of the time.
You blog for yourself - and you don't care how popular (or unpopular) your blog is!

I think this one might be a better fit. Or more like I want it to be a better fit. ahhaha.
What do you think? True?

To find out your own go 

Friday, November 6, 2009

Here With Me: Day One

I carried my phone around all day today. That never happens. But why? Because I knew my parents were coming today, and I wanted to be on the other line if they should call me. I knew they wouldnt call till they got to Boston. I knew they werent getting in till like 5ish. But I still carried my phone around all day. Call me silly.
But can I just say how awesome my parents are. Both my parents are filling in answer keys on practice exams so that I dont have to do it and can just study from them. They are perfectly happy to fill in answer keys and are determined to make the next five days completely conducive to me studying and preparing. And make sure I'm well fed. They're cute like that.

They were tuckered out. And are asleep.

And yes. My dad is sleeping on the floor so I can sleep on a bed.
He's awesome like that.
And likes the floor better than the bed... silly man.
(Please note: He fell asleep with the remote in his hand)

P.S> I just wanna send a special congrats out to my cousin Alana.

You are gonna be an AMAZING missionary.
And definitely one that all the boys you meet will be sad you're a missionary.
Cause you're hot - Duh.
Love you!

For those that dont click the link and watch the video she's going to the Independence Missouri Mission.
But I recommend the video. Its awesome.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Greatest of the Greats

Its official.
I have the greatest roommate of all time.
Please observe.

From Facebook:

Sheila Kelly You are probably still studying like a crazy person BUT, should you take a break and check facebook, you should probably also check our dining room table. Specifically, the way cool bag on the dining room table that I had to beat homeless men off with a stick over. Kidding. Kind of... Anyways. I'm off to bed. If I don't see you, GOOD LUCK!

I love scavenger hunts.
So I write Sheila telling her she's awesome and then go check what goodies she's left.
I see this.
Sheila is awesome.

I approach and go to take my treasure back to my hideout.
And its heavy.

And filled with this.

Yup. Sheila knows my love addiction to candy.
She knows I have huge tests and crazy studying that needs to occur.
So she totally stocks me up.
If you're thinking you have the best roommate ever you are sorely mistaken.

Sheila Kelly folks.

And I will fight to the death anyone who thinks differently.