One night, while I was at home I threw myself a party for one. A pity party that is. I love being home, I really do, but its also really hard for me to be there. Because my life in Alberta is pure fiction. I dont really exist there anymore. And its hard being in a place, and remembering what its like to exist, only to have reality come crashing back down and tap ever so subtly on your shoulder and remind you that in fact, you dont belong there anymore. Add to that my niece yelling at me (things I used to yell at adults when I was her age) and no one seeming to care about spending time with me, even though I would be leaving shortly, and spending most of the day waiting for cousins who'd said they would come hang out and then never showed up and I was wondering yet again, why I ever go back to Alberta when it has the ability to make me so sad. While I was throwing this pity party, I decided to look through some old family photo albums. Somehow these small reminders of the past always make me feel better. I dont know why, but I was under the impression that there werent any photos from my childhood. Which is silly, because I remember my parents taking pictures - I guess I just assumed the pictures had been lost. These photos brought me back to sanity. And with them ended my party for one. I didnt copy all of my favorites to my computer but these are a few I knew I couldnt leave home without.
Me and baby Josh. I love how tiny he is. And I love my hair. I forgot how much I loved my mushroom cut. I might be debating doing an adult version of this little ditty.
This is me on one of my first days of Kindergarten. Yes I have a black eye. And yes, Matt is sitting next to me in my class. I dont remember ever having seen this picture before. But I love it.
Look closely. I'm wearing a unicorn shirt. A UNICORN shirt for heaven's sake. How completely awesome is that. I love how young we (Angie, Me, Candi, Amelia and Lindsay) look.
I wish I had copied a different photo of Matt and I (there's one that I didnt even remember having seen before of us playing a gameboy together in the car) - but this one is pretty great. We were in Fairmont back when our family used to rent seadoos. We lived in our sleeveless wet suits back then. And Matt hated going into the water. Exploring around the edges and discovering rusty chains or critters was always acceptable tho.
I love photos. I love how they can transport you back. They represent a link to days long since past. And its comforting to know that there is physical proof of the person I used to be. Proof that I existed.
1 comment:
I can totally relate! I always feel like a foreigner when I go back home now.
Somehow "home" always makes more sense and feels much safer in my memories. It must have something to do with the fact that places and people change, but memories always stay the same.
With all the uncertainty that lingers around in life, I'm grateful we've got memories to hold on to. I love photographs for the same reason!
And I love that picture of us when we are young. I'm pretty sure my Troll-doll/dinosaur baseball shirt trumps your unicorn shirt! -We used to be so cool!!
What happened???
:)
Love you!
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