Thursday, May 10, 2012


I got up just early enough to catch the last Clinical faculty I needed to sign me out so I could do my last three academic sign outs.

The sign out of treatment planning was very quick.
It maybe took all of three minutes. 
But my locker sign out wasn't till 9am so I had to wait around the school.

Locker sign out was also quick.
Thats the thing about signing out. 
None of it takes very long.
And yet it is the most drawn out process ever.
Just a small stop at my lockers and they congratulated me and I went to my next stop. 

Of course, this being dental school, that involved more waiting.
The person signing us out of the Academic Office wasn't even at school at 9am.
So I waited till she arrived.

Signing out took all of thirty seconds.
After which I went to my final destination.
When I arrived, he told me that my name wasn't on his list of 
people who could sign out, and asked if I could come back
in an hour to give time for the system to update.

One thing you need to know about dental school is that it has ruined my patience.
The reason I am done a week early is because I developed a "don't take no" and "this is happening on MY time schedule" attitude. And when I want something done, it better damn well get done.
Persistent, is the polite way faculty and staff refer to me.
But basically it's a constant barrage of me harassing them until they do what I want, when I want it.
But waiting an hour to get signed out of my LAST sign out. No. That would not do.
So I told him that if it was a computer problem with the system not updating, that he better call IT. Because this was getting done now and nothing he could say would dissuade me from that.

So he sent me out to wait while he phoned. 
And I heard him tell the IT guy that I wasn't interested in any excuses and wanted it done now.

But while he was on the phone, the system updated and my name showed up.
I dropped off my ID.
And he signed me out.
My final sign out of dental school.

Its been very anti-climatic this whole sign out process.
I'd love to say that it feels so good and that I'm happy as can be.
But mostly I feel like who even cares.
Ya, its nice that I no longer need to stalk people and bully them into doing what I want, when I want it done. Thats nice. But now I'm left in this odd place. I know that this moment should be a grand thing. But its very underwhelming. Like really, this is it? The moment I've been working to for the last four years? It pretty much feels like every other moment.
My graduation is confirmed. I'll actually be getting my diploma when I walk across that stage (which a lot of my classmates can't say). And while its nice and I'm glad for it, it's not the end. There's getting a license. There's packing. There's moving. There's always more.

The discussion that I've been having with my also signed out friends, is that now that we are done with school we're trying to switch out of the school mode. Because one thing I know for sure, is that dental school has brought out the worst in me. But part of that is why I'm done a week early. Because I was bossy and demanding and wouldn't take no for an answer. And everything was hyper-analyzed and done on my time schedule. And the way I wanted it done. 
But this version isn't at all who I want to be. I hear myself talk and I hate it. I hate how I sound. But it has become so ingrained that I know this transition is going to be a difficult one. 
I'm done with dental school and on to something new.
But it's just another thing that is happening. Not a great thing. Just a thing.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
It just is.

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