I am obsessive about many things, but one of them in particular is looking good in the "Big Moment" Photographs. And yes, my brother's wedding counts as a Big Moment for me. Its a little ironic that I attribute being happy with being thin. I know they dont necessarily go hand in hand. But its almost as if, if I could attain this one goal, that the other areas of my life that often feel in shambles would straighten themselves out. It takes commitment and will power. Two areas that I've been sorely lacking at lately.
But I dont want photos taken that I hate. I dont want to look at the pictures from Matt's wedding, and hate them all because I hate how I look. And I most certainly dont want all his friends from highschool, to see me looking frumpy and hideous. Because if I was being honest, I'd have to admit that Lethbridge in particular brings out the worst of my age old insecurities - because I feel like the slightly uncool grade twelver, hanging out with the grade teners. I know that I am often not pulled together. I have more than my fair share of things I dislike about myself, ranging from emotional to spiritual to physical. And I just want to have one thing that feels put together. And then maybe I'll be able to add and change something else I'm dissatisfied with after that.
I've never been severely overweight. But it irritates me when people think that that is reason enough why I should be perfectly satisfied with myself. Why I should never speak of my discontent. Because there are people who have it so much worse than me. But why cant my dissatisfaction be enough? I dont like how I look. That fact alone ought to make my desire to change substantial enough.
As an added support to my goal, I suggested to my family that we have a weight loss challenge for the wedding to see who can lose the most. And they're down for it.
Today was Day One.
I usually am not one to broadcast, but I guess I want the accountability this will provide. So I'll be posting my progress every week.
Here are my goals:
Start Weight: 155
Goal Weight: 140
I realize that fifteen pounds is no small feat. And that I need to lose about 1 pound a week for the next 14 weeks. I pretty much have been trying to lose weight since I can remember, and have never managed anything quite so dramatic (well, besides losing the weight I gained upon moving to MA - but that was excessive and completely necessary). So I've come up with a plan of action to achieve this. I didnt want to make it super restrictive so that I would cave, but I also want it to be a big change. Its going to be hard. I already wanted to cave today. But I want this, and I just need to remember that. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see.
- No eating after 8pm
- Drink two glasses of water before every meal
- Eat when hungry only
- Eat 5 servings of fruit/vegatables
- No sugar Mon-Fri
- Sugar in moderation on the weekend (for instance: one of something sweet or choosing the smaller option of dessert)
- Pilates 5 times a week
- Run 4 times a week
Lately my running has been horrendous. I've been running. But it hasnt been pretty. So I'm hoping that changing my eating habits will help. Because that half marathon is coming up. And I'd really appreciate not dying.