Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Home again

While Guatemala was amazing, I was certainly ready to come home. I was tired and a little sick. Add to that the nagging feeling in the back of my head telling me that I had been foolish to be gone for so long (there is so much to do and consider). We talked a lot over the trip about the future of our lives - about the immediate game plans that would be set in motion to result in our graduation. And Dr. Fred, since he couldn't remember the difference between Dee and I, or what either of us was going to do post-school, asked us over and over what our plans were. 
Dee is under the assumption that since I have no foreseeable plans for after dental school, that it doesn't matter if I don't graduate on time. And it irked me that she prioritizes her desire to finish on time over mine because she HAS to been done before she starts her residency and me, with my lack of plans could technically not worry a lick about being trapped in the school. I may not have post-dental school plans, but one thing is sure, I'm ready to be out of this place. And staying late is not something I have any interest in doing.
I had a couple days in Guatemala where I was starting to fall apart a bit. Once in the clinic - I just got so tired and all these children kept crying and screaming. And it wasn't really my fault, and I was trying to help them, but its hard to not feel like a bad dentist when someone is screaming bloody murder at you. I could never be a pediatric dentist, because I take things too personally. Even still, I know I need to separate my ego from the dental care I provide. Its not something I'm good at. So long days and screaming children were wearing me down. 
And the last day. I felt sick and was starting to feel all the pressure I was returning to.
The airport saying became Travel 5: Melissa 0 for how my day was going.
I couldn't find my student visa (having tucked it away in a "secure" location) and had to rummage and pull all my stuff out of my bags right before we checked our luggage (luckily I remembered before we checked our luggage)
I dropped my guatemalan customs paperwork all over - twice.
I had a small moment where I misplaced my passport.
I got pulled over by the guatemalan security over a random pair of tweezers that made it into my bag.
And as we looked at the last bit of souvenirs we could bring back to America, I began to feel ill again and had to go sit down.
Mostly I laughed at these things - once I had procured all the necessary paperwork and any real danger of not being allowed back into the US was over. But I was out of sorts leaving Guatemala.

I'm glad to be back at school - despite the anxiety and fears. We arrived into Boston at 12:15am yesterday and by the time I got home it was 1am. I prepared my bag for the next day (since I had to take my mock boards at 7am). And it was a busy busy day. But while the work in front of me is overwhelming at best, there is a certain comfort in the busyness. And I do love checking requirements off my graduation list.

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