Clinic for the first bit was border-lining on being too much. I felt constantly out of my depth and that it was past my reach. Has clinic really changed much? No. For the most part its still just as bureaucratic and frustrating as ever. But the fact that it has set the expectations so high has caused an effect I didnt quite expect.
I feel put together in ways that only a few short weeks ago I felt broken. And this feeling of unmatched wholeness is new to me. Always the realist, I'm well aware that reality kinda blows. But because clinic is such a task master, it left me with only two options: 1. Fail miserably and crumble away under the pressure or 2. Let that pressure turn me into something better than I started.
Am I the picture of perfection? HA. Hardly. But I feel balanced and happy. I'm busy, I'm tired and a lot of the time I still question whether I'm gonna make it - but as of yet I'm keeping it together (except when I'm shirking my responsibilities like tonight).
One of the biggest fears I have is that dental school and being in Massachusetts will irreparably change the very person I am for the worst. And this moment, this period of time gives me hope. Maybe I wont come out the other side as a completely unrecognizable shell of the person I started as. Because I rather liked who I was before I came here.
Will I probably be cursing clinic shortly? H Yes. But for now I'm reveling in this feeling. However short-lived it may be.