Somedays I feel so confident. That despite my setbacks and shortcomings, that I can return with renewed vigor and make it. That the people who didnt believe I could make it here were wrong. That the people that thought I was just talking the talk and not ever going to follow through with my plans were so very wrong. I end the day feeling hopeful - knowing that my efforts will carry me through.
Today was not such a day.
There is just so much to do. And everyday I hope that the next day will make me feel better prepared, more capable. But today it feels like each day adds to the list of things that make me feel incompetent. Today, my bravado isnt enough. Not by a long shot. In the back of my head I hear the people telling my friends that they think I'm pathetic for telling people I'm going to go to dental school. I see the looks of astonishment from people who hear I got in. And I hear the surprise when I confirm that I am indeed going to be a dentist and not a dental assistant. I'm tired of feeling like the admissions committee were somehow tricked into taking me. That despite my best efforts I cant do it. But I dont even have time to wallow properly in self pity. Because whether I prepare or not, my exams will continue to come. And there is still so much to do.