Happy Unhappiest Happiness

1. Signature Capturer - I went on a signature safari today. Weaving in and out stalking and hunting down my prey. I now feel like a total signature Bad-A. Ya, I managed to get three critical signatures, plus a couple things authorized on the computer. Its kinda a big deal.

2. Group Study - the core of my study group is me, Derrick and Lucinda. And as difficult as this year has been, I also feel like I am so very glad to have been incorporated into their group because they are so funny. I was never a group studier before. Pretty sure I didnt talk to a single person in any of my classes all through undergrad. But the group study has been particularly paying off this year. And by paying off I mean making it so I dont fail.

3. Learning and Retaining - Every now and again I feel amazed at the things I do know. There is so much that is still so new and often confusing. But every now and again I will remember something and realize how far I've come. The feeling is usually fleeting, but for that short moment I feel like I will be alright.

4. Mormons and Swearing - My exam on Tuesday was Remo. Remo is making dentures. And it is awful. People - please keep your teeth - dentures suck. And so do the Remo faculty. They insist on making Remo convoluted and confusing. And they're crazy. They suck at teaching and explaining the material. But they equally suck at testing us on the material we've been taught. So we had a huge final on Tuesday. It covered everything I've learned in Remo since coming to dental school. And it promised to be a total slaughterhouse. So I get into the exam, set my book bag at the front of the room and take a seat. Well Dr. Maloof begins rampaging around the room terrorizing all the students about wearing jackets - ya, thats just what we need right before an incredibly challenging final - someone screaming at us about not being allowed to wear a jacket. I choose to ignore her. But she comes over to me and begins to demand that I take my touque off.
Maloof - "HATS off! You cant wear that - its school policy! Take it off right now!"
Me - "Really? Its just a touque. You're really going to make me take it off?"
So she starts turning around and I start telling my friends what a ridiculous request she is making, since no other examiner has ever required that and it is most definitely not school policy when she whips back around on me.
"Excuse me?!?! You dont get to SWEAR at me!! That kind of language is UNACCEPTABLE!! This is a dental school and as such you need to behave in a professional manner!"
Meanwhile, everyone in my vicinity has turned around with disbelief.
"I didnt swear at you."
"Yes you did! And that is simply unacceptable and unprofessional. If you didnt swear then what did you say?"
Everyone in my vicinity immediately begins coming to my rescue confirming what I have said.
"I said that you were being ridiculous. I didnt swear at you."
To this she gives me a dirty look, not even waiting till I finish speaking and rushes off screaming at someone she caught wearing a scarf.
Everyone around me could not believe her. "Ya, the MORMON is swearing at you" was said incredulously more than once. I just apologized for me and my mormon swearing. Sometimes I forget myself and gosh darn it, will have to try harder to refrain from my mormon swearing. Since then its been a huge joke that when I say something, people will look at me and go "Easy with the language." What can I say? I'm a work in progress.

5. Small Wars - I often wish I felt brave and safe enough to put into words the things that I feel. I wish I didnt feel selfish divulging my inner thoughts. I wish my dichotomous feelings werent battling within me at all times. I wish I was the person I ought to be more often than the person I tend to be. I wish wishing wasnt a waste of time...