Sunday, January 12, 2014

New Year

This last year was my undoing. Everything seemed to fall apart and all the things that I loved and found easy became difficult. I struggled; Daily, constantly. And nothing seemed to ease the tension and stress I felt. 
I forgot myself and couldn't remember how I ever enjoyed things. Or what things made me happy. Because while I put up a good show of momentary happiness, nothing really touched below the surface. 
I am imperfect. So flawed that sometimes I can't fathom how I have accomplished anything. And those flaws seemed to be the only things I could see. 
My cousin Erika wrote a post recently about striving for perfection. And how when we try to reach perfection on our own, it has us feelings like we are nothing but our failings. I am tired of feeling like a failed human being. I'm tired of forgetting that I don't need to be perfect. And that I can let God and other people help to make up my shortcomings.
Last year may have been my undoing but I want this year to help me rebuild. 
And along with that I want to work to remember what I love to do. I used to love to blog. But this last year, I think it felt too raw to document how things were going. So this is where I'm starting. Because I want to be able to see my life for what it is and document and learn from it. The good and the bad. And remember how to appreciate my life for what it is rather than what it isn't.
Mostly what I want from this year is to heal. And become a person that I love again. 
So here's to the New Year. 

1 comment:

matthew lowry said...

I'm sorry you had such a tough year last year. I haven't been much help to you the last years. If you ever want to skype or facetime or google hangout we should definitely do that. We would like that, and Brylin would love to see her aunt Melissa. It would have to be before 6 pm though, because that is when we start getting Brylin ready for bed.
Love you sis