Providence RI Rock & Roll Half-Marathon

I am a poser runner. I know I give off the impression that I might be hardcore... but I'm really not. When I tell you I run really slow, I'm not being modest. I'm being honest. For some reason though, people always over estimate my abilities. So signing up for this half marathon was kinda a big deal for me. I'm not a big runner. Small distances are still challenging to me.

I meant to train hard for this half. I meant to be a running machine. But somehow I seem to manage to fall short when preparing for big events. And not running seemed like a much better plan than running for the last few weeks. I guess after my 10 mile run, I fell apart and was pretty over running long distances. But there was still the matter of the half I'd signed up for.

The last three weeks I have managed to get one short run a week in. And I had to call that good. Even though those runs really sucked. So to say I was near hyperventilating over this half would be an understatement.

I woke myself up sleep talking last night. I dreamt about not running the half. And my stomach proceeded to be tense and full of hideous stomach flips. I was physically ill. Why I always am so ill prepared for big moments is beyond me. I guess cause somehow I always manage to make it through. But if a half marathon ever happens again, I swear I'll do a better job training for it. Cause this was rather unbearable.

I had a solid amount of acid reflux for the first 7 miles. My ankles hurt like a banshee. And mile 10 and 11? I dont even want to talk about how horrendous they were. But I kept running. Even when the run/walkers continued to leap frog around me. It poured rain the entire run. I might as well of gone swimming for how wet I was. But rain is greater than unbearable heat. So I count myself lucky. Because I'm not sure I could have done it in the heat. I only had to walk for a very short stint (0.3 miles) in Mile 11. Because I was over this whole half marathon business by Mile 11. But I kept telling myself I only had a couple more miles and that I could do it.

And indeed I did.

FYI: This Race started at 7am. That is hella early.

THE START

THE FINISH

I have run a half marathon. 13.1 Miles in 3:06:13.

It wasnt pretty by any means.
But I now know I have it in me to do it.

And look at the huge medal I got.

Pretty flashy.

Things to note:

I totally forgot a shirt to run in. So yes, I just wore the shirt I wore Friday.

My shoes definitely still had little rubber bits in them from playing softball - dang that turf field with its tiny rubber chips that hide in your shoes.

Run/walkers drive me crazy. Mostly because I hate passing people only to have them pass me thirty second later. 

Running while completely soaked is a bit much, but on the plus, you definitely dont have to worry about spilling water on yourself at the water stations.

I intensely dislike when the route winds past another part of the race. I dont want to be able to see the people who are like two miles ahead of me running. Its super disheartening to just pass the Mile 10 mark and have loads of people running past the Mile 12 mark in the opposite direction. Even worse was passing the Mile 11 mark and seeing people headed to Mile 13. 

Post-race bagels are the food of Gods. Even in the pouring rain. 

Rock and Roll

Its moderately hot.

Its humid.

And tomorrow its supposed to rain all freaking day.

Yup. Figures the weather would mirror my anxiety over this half marathon.

I quite literally might die.

Guess I shouldnt of been a huge slacker the last month.

Been nice knowing ya.

Just know I completely deserve the upcoming death, because I am completely unprepared for this race.

How To Prepare to Run When You Really Dont Want To

Step 1. Put on work out clothes

Step 2. Find your shoes

Step 3. Make sure a mid-run bathroom break is not necessary

Step 4. Brace yourself for the heat

Step 5. Go outside

Step 6. Start walking

Step 7. Start running!

The Races We Run

The Ups

I made my own mac and cheese.

I was kinda unaware that making mac and cheese without Kraft or Cheese Whiz was possible until just recently. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'd never seen it done before. Of course I'd heard of it being possible. But I had no concrete proof things of that nature werent just a rumor. But I gave it a go tonite. And I'm not terribly upset at the result. I cooked my pasta, added some milk and then stirred in a bunch of cheese. And suddenly it was a cheesy sauce like concoction.

Talking to my cousin Jesse.
The thing I like most about Jesse is that when I say or ask something that sounds fundamentally stupid, he doesnt dwell on the stupidity of the question (for instance, I told him today that I really have no idea how to go about getting a job upon graduation, considering I will have never worked as a dentist). No, instead of making me feel even dumber, he talks me through it like its the most natural thing in the world. And he acts as though this next phase of uncertainty in my life, while challenging, will be completely exciting. His complete faith in my ability to figure my life out is contagious. He talks me through the process and makes the theory of it sound so simple. Add to that the fact that he relates everything to the gospel, and talking with him reminds me to take note of the blessings the gospel brings. He told me today that he got in a fight over the weekend. Some big, tough island guys started the fight, and he believes that, like the Nephites, he was able to overcome these guys, because he was strengthened by a righteous desire to defend. He didnt go out looking for the fight, but he also wasnt going to let them walk all over him. Its really refreshing to hear the gospel related to everyday life like that. And talking to Jesse is always a nice little reminder to continue working to become the best version of myself that I can. I just really love my friendship with Jess.

I ran 5 miles.
I'm trying to become a better runner. With that half mile (erm I mean marathon not mile), looming ever nearer, I want to be prepared. So I'm trying to get my body used to running longer distances. I know that if I run consistently my running improves. And it always feels great to tack on a distance that used to feel impossibly long. I hope that one day, running five miles will feel easy. But I suppose, three miles doesnt yet feel easy to me, even though I know I could get up from the couch and do it.  I think I will always struggle to feel accomplished in what I do. Its so easy to not feel good enough. But I'm really trying hard to change how I think. It may seem strange, but I have a knowledge that I dont completely suck, while at the same time I find it impossible to believe that I could be good at anything.

I got a Written Analysis and Occlusal Analysis signed.
I know it doesnt sound like much, but getting signatures is one of the most challenging thing about dental school. We have to have everything signed off. And the simple act of getting a signature, immediately leads me to feel very accomplished for that day. With the end of the semester, comes the stress of completing the required number of activities and points. And each signature is a micro-step toward it. It honestly feels great when things are approved and I get to check one more thing off my list.

Spring Softball Round 1 goes to the Ball Burnishers.
I have great friends. And I have so much fun with them. I was anxious about softball. And I had a rather trying day. But our game, well, it brought the joy bubbling back up to the surface. Its just a really fun game. And there is such a camaraderie among us. I got on base each time I was at bat, and I didnt do anything terribly embarrassing when we were on the field. I just like us.

Boston Firefighters Local 10K

This 10K came with a completely different feeling than the last.

I think mostly because I felt like my running has been less than stellar lately. 

So while I wasnt nervous so much about the race, I was nervous about my ability to run.

Cause running hates me. And lately the feeling has been mutual.

But I was determined. I would run the entire 6.2 if it killed me - which I was fairly certain it would.

BEFORE

Dee, Lucinda and I apparently signed up one right after each other during class. Hence the numbers.

Dee, Me, Lucinda, Chelsea

The run was going alright tho - pretty flat for the most part. I mean I was tired but making better time than I'd anticipated. That is until I hit the Mile 4 marker. That was when my body decided it had had enough running and wanted to stop. But I kept going. We ran on the road and I kept thinking that I was closer than I was. Turns out I wasnt super observant on the loop out, so I kept getting tricked into thinking I was further along than I was. Which made for a long run. I legitimately wanted to stop running, but I pushed through (and cursed a few times for good measure). A slow run is still a run tho. And I'm glad I kept going. I even beat my time from the last 10K - 66 mins Booya! Even though this run hurt more to run (due to my waning consistency), I do realize that I'm making some progress - even if it doesnt feel like it. Running a little faster than I ran before and that sort of thing.

AFTER

And again.

I would probably never run if I didnt have Dee, Lucinda, and Royall urging me on.

So again... another 10K. Looking at my schedule I feel like I have no time to run. But I guess thats why signing up for races is good. Cause I have to make time. Stupid making time. I have mixed feelings about this next 10K. Hopefully the next three weeks are filled with lots of running.

10 K What?

BEFORE

Yessurrey - I just finished my 10K. And let me tell you... it had a lot more hills than I ever run with. Lucinda and Dee had told me it had rolling hills that you hardly noticed... which was a lie. I straight up asked Dee - "If these are rolling hills, what the heck are real hills?" But even with the addition of the hills I think it went well. It was a run along the shoreline - which I suppose was slightly wasted on me, since I stare at the floor almost the entire time I run... But I looked up every now and then to see waves crashing against the rocks. Plus ocean breeze - pretty clutch. I definitely had to do some mental pep talks to keep running (pretty much the entire way) and my legs were dead by Mile 5. But I made it! And to add to that - back in Edmonton (3 years ago) I ran a 10K in an hour fifteen... welp... I beat my time: 1:08:54. Yes I'm slow. But a win is a win. I am already sore and tired though. Yay for victories.

AFTER

We took a quick gander at the beach we started our  run from (and no, we didnt have to run on sand - That would be HORRIBLE). Gorgeous beach.

Run Run

My dad raps softly on my door this morning and peeks his head in.

"Run Run?"

My eyes flutter open. It takes a moment to let my mind begin to boot up.

I'm still tired. Again, I went to bed late and am woken up early.

"Run Run? Its noon your time."

... ... ...

"Ten am this time. You coming?"

Yes I am coming.

I love the Saturday morning runs with my Dad.

First I am exercising - something I should be doing everyday.

Second - Runs allow us to chat. Its our time together. Just him and me.

I think often about the runs we've taken together, especially when I'm far and away and unable to be part of them.

I'm a sucky runner. But he lets me control the pace.

Doesnt matter if the pace is running him into the ground or ridiculously slow.

I love our runs.

We talk.

It is awesome.

And I never doubt that I am important to him.

There are other people that I may not always feel important to.

But my dad is not one of them.

Our run was a suckfest. Guess thats what I get for not having done cardio since October.

But we got home and cleared all the ice off the driveway.

The whole driveway was ice FYI and not small.

Then we went and washed his truck and my mom's car.

They we went and got bandaid's and hair products.

And then dropped the recycling off and bought pickles.
And he told me that its not fair when I wear makeup... cause it enhances and makes me even more beautiful.
I rolled my eyes at that.

But I love my Dad.

The End.

P.S.

My mother said there was a huge bug in the garage. And needed my Dad to come kill it.

This is what he brings back in the house...

Can you tell what it is?

Its a huge mother bug - on a tooth pick.

Who does that?

Good thing Dad was there.

My hero.

I'll Keep You Safe

Its strange but somehow I always feel safe. Even if I shouldnt. I went running yesterday... at one am. I ran through Boston Common, along the Charles, through the city streets. It was a long run (for me) and gave me time to work out my frustrations. Cause if you're physically tired, you tend to be too tired to be annoyed at the things in your life. And endorphins are my BFF. But strangers who I would run past would call out for me to be careful. Strange. I told Sheila I was going running, but missed the part where she said she'd call the cops if I wasnt back in an hour. Yup... I definitely was gone longer than an hour. Poor Sheila, thought I might of died but was holding off calling the cops till I was gone for two hours cause she figured there was no way I would run for two hours (how right she was). But I didnt even feel the slightest bit scared running so late and all by myself. It felt great to run in the dark. To run in my own solitude. And I may start midnight running more often - it used to be one of my favorite things to do in Edmonton, why not here? Why should I be scared of the world? It doesnt come naturally to me so why should I fight it.

But I've decided that I'm tired of waiting and creating lists of all the things I want to do in my future - cause I'm great at not trying things either because I'm scared I'll suck, or I have more pressing things to do. More often I have more pressing things to do.

But I've wanted to take a yoga class for awhile - and now I am (fridays in between class and lab). And I really really like it. Its relaxing and surprising how intense of a workout it is. It helps that its not big into the whole like weirdo side of yoga. More so its like a good long stretch sesh. That leaves me sore for days. I still laugh at the end protocol though -- they leave us telling us to honor the light within ourselves, the light within others and some other weirdo bit. I really have to try not to smirk and laugh.

Also, I've wanted to try racquet sports for awhile and as of Friday, now I have. John Keyes is big into squash and he's been inviting me to come play with him and other people from our class but I always put it off. Well Friday I got my first taste of it. And let me tell you... My butt has never hurt so good. Who knew that running around and hitting a tiny little ball would kill my legs. They were lead by the end. Though I also tried my hand at racquetball... Ya... I like that so much less. Mostly cause I'm not coordinated enough to actually hit the more bouncy ball. Yup, me=zero hand eye coordination. But I felt kinda proud as I left squash/racquetball.

I think that sometimes growing up is a good thing.

I mean I'm really not completely sold on it. And it does happen so gradually that sometimes I look back and am surprised at how different I am. I'm not seventeen anymore. But thats not necessarily a bad thing. There are moments when I'm so glad to be growing up. I'm becoming more my own person who doesnt let petty insecurities rule my life. Am I still insecure? Sure I am. But it doesnt mean I cant try and find things that I love to do and work around it. But am I where I want to be? Definitely not. But I suppose there's nothing to do but keep going. Because whether I like it or not, I can't stop time. It will continue.

I mean I was thinking of dear little Josh the other day. I remember so clearly him being five or six. It was his birthday and he still wore matching top and bottom print pjs. And he got so tired from the birthday celebration he fell asleep early. And I remember going in and just watching the poor child sleep. And taking pictures cause he was so ridiculously sweaty (Where did those photos go? He was really cute.) And now he leaves to some remote island on Tuesday. When did my baby brother, not become the baby?

I feel like I too share Brylie Wynes' problem.

ANGIE : "Brylie, is it hard to be a kid sometimes?"

BRYLIE : "Yeah, it is, I just think it's easier to be an adult"
"Well, I'll tell you, it's not that easy"
"It's not?"
"Nope. I think you should enjoy being a kid"
"But I don't want to enjoy being a kid, cause I want to be a mom like you"
"Well one day you will, but you need to be a kid first and have fun and play"
" You know, I wish that I could be a kid forever. I wish that everyone could stay how they are right now and no one could ever grow up"
"I wish that too sometimes, but we all grow up"
"I just want to stay 4 though, cause I don't ever want to be a giant"
"what do you mean?"
"if you grow up you always grow and you'll be a Giant, everyone turns into a giant"
"No they don't silly, you won't be a giant, you'll turn into an adult, then you stop growing, but you get old"

(P.S> Ang - hope you dont mind me stealing this excerpt!)
I wanna grow up - but at the same time I dont want things to change. I wanna live in the moment but I also hate the moment and look forward so much to the future. Its really tough to align yourself when you have such contradictory feelings.

I try to figure it out everyday. Somedays - clearly - are better than others. But I hope at the end, when I look back, I'm happy with how things went down. I hope that I cared enough, that I was brave on occasion, that I was dedicated, that I was loyal, that I was kind. Because growing up is hard. And I dont think anyone will argue me on that.