Hello From Brookline

Dental school is the most challenging thing I've done in my life thus far. And sometimes I get supremely frustrated when people who have not experienced something of this nature try to relate. Because unless you've done it yourself, you really have no idea. And its not that I mean to belittle the struggles other people go through but freak - dental school is hard and its not like undergrad was some cake walk. Yes the classes are hard, but its more than that. Its the constant barrage of new things and the sheer amount of things to learn - spending only enough time on one thing to say we've "learned it" before moving onto another thing. There's so much to take in and there just isnt alot of time. And the feeling of mastery is something I only vaguely recall. It can be so frustrating because daily I feel like I know nothing and am unprepared for the moment of being the "expert".  Expectations are high - from others and myself. Because what I learn isnt just something that can be learned for the tests - I need the information for practical applications.

Luckily, along with my ever increasing anxiety issues, are daily moments where I look around me, at the group of people I've found in Boston and am filled with such gratitude. We spend hours upon hours gathered together going through the seemingly impossible amount of information thats needed to be learned. And instead of being miserable, I find myself happy lately. They make surviving dental school doable. Group studying was never my thing during Undergrad (mostly cause I never talked to anyone in my classes) but it has become my favorite thing here. Because instead of feeling completely isolated, frustrated and alone, I learn the material and actually have fun. We create funny inside jokes, and keep each other motivated. And more often than not I end up laughing till my face hurts. Its just nice to know that I am not alone - there are people who understand. It seems such a small thing to have someone to talk to about all the pulls of my attention, but its become something so paramount. Having people who hear not just what I'm saying but understand the stress and pressure that comes with it.

Basically I adore my friends.

Studying=Rollcoaster Ride

I love group study.

SO MUCH.

I'm Still Listening I Swear!

I dont keep friends I keep acquaintances

Its still early for me. But I have been awake for quite some time already. Some unknown woke me up. At 6am. That is completely unheard of for me. And instead of going back to sleep like I usually would of done I started playing a computer game. ... ... ... Its ok I already know that is super nerdy. But I got introduced to two games on addicting games and they are as advertised. Want to check out what had me entertained for almost two hours before 8am? Click here and here. Just so you know I'm one level away from beating Red Remover. 

But I've been trying to pick up the running lately. Which generally has been going pretty good (except getting lost for a moment on one of my runs - obviously it worked out). So being awake so early I figured - hey, lets start this day off right and get that pesky exercise out of the way. I forget that there is a reason I like to run after 9 pm. Besides the fact that running in the dark is amazing. Whats that reason you ask? Oh just a little thing called my muscles dont work in the am. It was totally a running fail - almost like I havent run ever. 

Dear Body - 

Running in the am is the same as running in the pm. 

Just earlier. Figure it out. 

Sincerely Me.

But today I'm wearing the greatest shirt. 

Whats this? Just a little women in science shirt I picked up.

I've been excited all week to wear it again.

Tho I only recognize one person on it. Turns out women in science arent all that popular.

Though to be fair, I doubt I know that many men in science either. 

Hopefully while I study today I can channel their combined brain power.

Speaking of which. Six exams next week. 

So glad I'm all over the group study.

Makes the necessary amount of studying possible.

Last Luau

After our first softball game it was determined that we wanted to have a luau. On Nick's roof deck. He wasnt there but we were all in agreement that Nick loves parties on his roof deck and would be on board for this. Really it was Sabrina (Aaron's girlfriend) who really spearheaded the effort. Her, Aaron and Nick made it happen. Decorations, burgers, and a sense of wild abandonment. Just kidding. But Nick decided he did want this to be a very inclusive moment in time. So he spread the word and invited people from lots of different dental groups. And I really did have a great time. I discovered that a couple people I've never spent much time with are hilarious. Like laugh till my face starts cramping hilarious. This was really the final event before this next month of hell begins. Thirty days, thirteen exams, and one pain control day where we learn to inject anesthetic on each other I think is the grand total. I'm trying to keep my panic attacks on a minimum. At least until the week with six exams is over. But Friday. Good times there.

Please adore this couple with me.

How hilarious is Derrick's stache? Why yes it does curl up at the ends.

He's been growing a beard for quite some time and he shows up to the party with this moustache and that shirt. It was such a typical Derrick thing to do and so completely awesome. Apparently tho on the street he was no match for how pregnant Mel is. Instead of staring at him people couldnt stop looking at Mel's belly.

(Amit, Aaron, Mike)

(Tom)                                                          (Mark, Alisun, Alana)

And the wonderful host of this awesome shin dig?

Nick Bacos.

Knows his way around a roof deck.

(Me, Aaron, Derrick)

(Haley, Alisun, girl whose name has slipped my mind at the moment)

(Megan and Dee)

(Kevin, Nick, Mike)

This diplomatic moment was brought to you by Kevin Ryan.

This is Derrick with Sabrina.

Seriously she was so clutch in this party. Organized the entire thing. Got the decorations. Made the most amazing shrimp-ka-bobs. She's the best!

(Heather, Amit, Melinda)

Alisun here is a freaking riot. Seriously she had me busting a gut the entire time I was sitting in this corner. It was pretty awesome. Plus she's a get things done kinda class president. 

Fenway

This is why I'm here.

How did I get to this point?

Sheila Kelly.

Girl has the hook ups.

And is all about sharing said hook ups.

Great friend that Sheila.

Even on a crappy day - there are throngs of people heading to the game.

Walking against the masses is just something you dont even bother trying to do.

There is only one direction of this side of the street. The Fenway direction.

 Its funny cause I dont really even follow baseball, let alone the Red Sox.

But being in fenway. Staring out at the game. Hearing the roar of the crowd.

It was infectious. I couldnt help but be really excited. 

And it was my first ever MLB game.

Sure it started really raining after the third inning so we went and hide in the club house... but it was still a great time. And my seat? Ya - for my first game it was pretty much amazing. We were right by third base and had a perfect view of the entire field. Amazing seats. Sheila has the hook ups!

And no game would be complete without a little sustenance.

I love Fenway Franks. 

Thank you so much for inviting me Sheila!

I had a brilliant time.

And in case you are wondering - why yes I did buy a Boston Red Sox shirt just for the game today.

I thought it was necessary. I know how hardcore Sheila is.

Also - Red mango frozen yogurt wins at life.

Vlogging is the lazy man's typing

Want to see the after math of the rain?

Ya. I'm such a happy camper.

BBL {Photo Challenge}

First things first - Read This.

I remember sitting around my highschool signing yearbooks on my last day of highschool ever.

The world lay before me. 

I was smart, full of self-confidence, and ready to kick butt at life.

I couldnt wait. My plans for the fall were settled. And the freedom of adulthood lay before me.

I pictured my life and had no doubts it would go exactly how I wanted it to.

Because I made things happen. 

And I was fearless.

My potential seemed endless. My friends and I were never going to lose touch. There was never going to be a reason for my boyfriend and I to break up. I would breeze through school like I always had. Two years undergrad, four years dental, married at 23-24, still a size six. Perfection.

The thing about looking in the past, is that it reminds us of what we were. I've changed so much since that day of signing yearbooks. And life has changed so much. Some of the changes have been welcomed (I mean as much as I loved being impenetrable to feelings I suppose its a good thing I've softened, tho I sometimes curse it daily). But other changes are less so. Somedays I miss my 17 year old self, my 17 year old life. I miss that girl who was quick with a come back and so self-assured. I miss feeling like I knew exactly where I was headed. I had such a drive of purpose. Arrogantly daring the world to throw whatever it pleased at me because of my knowledge that I could handle it. I miss not caring one lick what anyone else thought because I was so comfortable with who I was and didnt feel the need to impress anyone.

Life has not led me down the path I anticipated.

I look back and can pinpoint exact moments where the path I was on changed.

 I do wish that I could re-gain some of my former glory and add it to the good changes that have come my way. Do I want to be 17 again? H no. But I wouldnt mind that naive feeling of invincibility back. Because I may have softened as a person, but that has left me vulnerable to the tumults of life.

I wish I was stoic and noble enough to say that I'm living life and loving it.

But for now, living life will have to do.

Ball Burnishers

Yesterday was the first softball game for my team. We almost had to forfeit cause Derrick, Amit and I showed up barely on time. We were a mess. No matching shirts for us, no idea what positions we were playing (or what certain positions were... Rover?), and no idea how the batting order would go. But turns out even with all that we pulled ourselves together. It was fun. Tho had me in a bit of an anxiety mode. I get nervous if there's pressure to perform. But my first time up to bat I made it to second and ended up scoring our teams first run. 


A few things I've discovered about softball and me:
- Catching fills me with terrible fear - I cringe every time a ball comes my way. Its funny cause its not that I cant catch a ball, I just worry about catching it with my face - hence the cringing (and yes, I probably do close my eyes when I catch the ball). Hopefully I get over that. 
- I opted for the position that seemed least likely to be in the action (Left Outfield). Unfortunately, the "Law Breakers" sent a big hit my way that totally went over my head and sent them running all the way to third.
- I can at least bat. Thats something right? Who needs catching, throwing, running without cringing. 


The dental crew is awesome. There was an inning where people didnt have the right gloves and we passed around like four different gloves while the other team waited to bat. I loved that we were slightly disorganized. Made things less pressure. 


So softball. We'll see how that goes. Its a nice change to hang out with the dental crew under a non-studying conditions. I feel like Derrick said it best yesterday when he said "I like you all but I'm tired of seeing you cause it means I have to study." Amen to that.


After the game I decided to run home from main campus (which is just less than 3 miles) ... with my backpack on. Cause I wanted to get a run in but didnt want to go home and then go running. It made more sense to just go for a regular ol' run home. Something I didnt expect tho? Even after cinching my straps as tight as they would go that backpack sways back and forth. It was definitely not a super comfortable run. I dont know how people who consistently run with a backpack do it. Maybe it would work out better if I was in better shape. Tough to say.