WICKED! (Its Wicked)

This was amazing!

Seriously. I mean I had fairly high expectations (since I love plays and musicals) and have heard such good things about it. But honestly - this blew my expectations out of the water. The music was brilliant. And it was actually super funny. I've read the book (which was so-so if you were wondering), and the end of the play was a little different from the book. But the change was for the better. Believe you me. I love plays so much. I could go to a play everyday and be completely blissful. Its amazing. It really and truly is. I am just amazed by the talent and ability of these performers. And after the craziness of my life lately (cause yes, I whored myself out all day today for Perio assists and had a crazy Ortho exam) - this was exactly what I needed to rejuvenate my spirits. I just feel happy. Which has been kinda fleeting lately. This moment probably wont last. But I thought I ought to revel in it, even if its just for the moment. 

P.S. I totally went rebel to get all these pictures in the Opera House. Cause photos are a no-no. What can I say... I live on the edge. 

And dont even worry about it... I bought a t-shirt.

I loved this play!

Tortilla Shell Pizza

So easy. So quick. So delicious.

I am a big fan of tortillas. Mostly cause I love cheese quesadillas (and the easiness to deliciousness factor). 

But I decided to branch out tonite on a whim. 

And it actually turned out pretty fantastic.

I used ranch dressing as the "sauce", tossed on some pepperoni lunch meat, green peppers, tomato and cheese. And viola! Fantastic meal in literally under five minutes. 

Mm... so good. Best whim ever.

Diners, Drive-ins and Dives

These are some picture of my Uncle Doug and myself. He was in town for a meeting and I helped him check a couple spots from "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" off his list. I was more than happy to oblige!

Half. Thought.

I'm out of sorts today (and by today I mean everyday). Too many nonsensical thoughts rolling around. All of them unfinished. All of them just short of the point. Too often that is where my thoughts end - I feel like I'm almost to a point of comprehension, and then my thoughts stop short and I am left feeling disjointed. That enlightenment that I desperately need dances in front of me, just out of reach. Mocking - always mocking. Daily frustrations, little disappointments, this book, that book, my reactions, the way I wish I had reacted, little offenses, little fears, bigger insecurities; It all plays together and each pulls until I am fragmented. I have so many half thoughts about everything. 


I started Mockingjay last night at 9:30 pm and finished it at 6:30 am this morning. My sleep feels haunted by my half thoughts lately. And becoming absorbed in this book seemed like a better alternative than being tortured by my simultaneous exhaustion and inability to stop obsessing. But I woke up knowing I needed to get things done. Little and necessary things. But I get annoyed so quickly these days when things dont go exactly how I expect they should. And even as my voice begins to contain that edge - I know its unkindness and my own shortcomings that are coming through in these moments. I am weak. I should be better controlled. Speak softly. But my hair runs wild around my face, my eyes are hard and my voice full of unforgiving reprimand. I watch myself from the outside and know that the bank teller trying to give me four quarters instead of forty dollars worth of quarters, has made a tiny slip. She misheard. Logically I know she doesnt deserve the tone of impatience or the cold look, that I see more than feel, sweep across my face. I am a storm brewing beneath the surface. Uncontrolled, unstable. I never have been one for pretending. But I know I need to temper myself. And this new stress that has been added to my life, like none I've ever dealt with before, is having its way with me. I want to stand, rod-straight as it tries to uproot me completely. But instead I fold and bend to its angry will. Interpretive dance for the unwilling. And in turn, I want to lash out. Push away the people that I wish I could pull close. Because I live in my head. And that will always be a life of solitude. And frustration. Always frustrated people dont understand my motives, dont understand my questions, dont understand my needs.


Little thoughts flick across my mind. None of them completely true. None of them completely untrue. I hate people. There is no one to depend on but yourself. Kindness is never as honest as cruelty. I ache to be numb and at the same time struggle with the knowledge that I must stay present.


I know that my errands will lead me in proximity to Barnes and Noble. And I know I will stop and run my fingertips along the covers of many books. So many stories - so much truth and untruth are contained within those pages. I pick up Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen. Its not a terribly long book but I've already taken it home and devoured it. Two books in less than 24 hours. But it has given me more half thoughts. It is a brilliantly thoughtful book. I think it has a lot to say. And a lot to offer. My restless mind, wants to find solace in its pages. But the truth I pull from its pages, are seen through my inept eyes and immediately tainted by my inadequacies and prejudices. 


Katniss, speaks of her realization that the hijacked Peeta finally sees her for who she really is - his hatred opening his eyes in a way that his love always blinded him. I grasp the full sentiment behind a statement such as that. The truth and untruth contained within it. To constantly push the boundaries of your relationships. Testing the breaking point with a scientific urgency. To never trust that when you push, someone will bother to push back. Always knowing that each time it rebounds, the time for it to break ever draws nearer.  Pushing, while all the while wishing you were easier, less contradictory, and less independent. 


Sometimes, things, people, and ideas are more than the sum of their parts. And its a sight of beauty, breathing life into your suffocated lungs, when thats the case. But sometimes they are less. 


And maybe thats what I'm searching for. Some understanding. I re-hash my confusions, it feels like, on a daily basis. But I just want to be able to grasp life. I want more than half a thought. I want the whole thing. To glean from it, every little truth. To hold that close and warm to me, in the cold moments of uncertain turmoil that seem to surround me.  

Finally

I get to experience the awesomeness of this book.

And yes, without reading it I already know it will be awesome. 

The Hunger Games Series is amazing.

The Tops

Lately I've been thinking about a few movies/books that I've really enjoyed.

Before dental school, reading was something I would only allow myself to do during holidays. I like reading but I have a nasty habit of getting completely engrossed in books. I dont eat, sleep, shower or,  most importantly, study. Whereas movies have always been my guilty habit while I'm in school. I know I shouldnt watch as many movies as I do, but living vicariously through characters calms me. And movies dont really require a lot of effort - which is pretty perfect for the busy, overstressed student. But this year I have become voracious in my need to read (tho my need to watch movies has not decreased). I'm tired of making lists upon list. I'm tired of waiting. I guess I've come to the realization that if I moderate my reading just a little bit, I dont have to wait.

Besides the point. Sharing is caring, right?

1. ZOMBIELAND

I cant tell you how much I usually loathe zombie movies. They're full of gore (in a non-thriller movie sort of way - which I dont really enjoy), and the post-apocalytic world is completely depressing. Now, Zombieland tho - Zombieland. I can barely express how amazing this movie is. Its hilarious. And I watched it on a lark. Which I think made its hilarity so unexpected and that much more wonderful. Low expectations really are the greatest. It had me bursting out loud at every turn. There was hardly a moment where I wasnt in love with the witty dialogue and brilliant narration. But it wasnt just funny. It was such a multi-dimensional film, where there was well-acted dramatic scenes, along with comical zombie moments and a little bit of action thrown in there. If you havent seen this movie, I strongly give my stamp of approval and encouragement to see it. There is a Zombieland 2 rumored to be in development and I legitimately can not be more excited for a sequel.

2. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Series

I know this is one of those book series that has become the "It" books to read lately. I see people on the T reading one of the three all the time. But it is so well recognized because it is just that good. There were moments where I became ridiculously ancy, continuously shifting my reading position because of all the intrigue and suspense contained in these books. I couldnt just sit and read quietly - I was an active participant in these stories. The only devastating part of this series is the fact that the author, Stieg Larsson has already died. The novels were published after his death. Which is tragic in a very common literary way - cause I would read more novels from him if they existed. I really enjoyed his style of writing. Its set in Sweden, so the names of people and places can be tricky, but since I wasnt reading out loud to anyone, the pronunciations in my head will always be the correct pronunciations. Do yourself a favor if you like to read at all (or even if you dont) - Read these books.

3. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

"A zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains"

I know I know. Apparently I'm all pro-Zombies movement or something. But I heard from a reliable book source that this was a good book. And by reliable I mean, I heard from someone else, that someone I usually approve of their taste in books enjoyed this. All hearsay and just the way I like it. I had my doubts. I mean I have all sorts of hesitancies about Jane Austen books. And part of me wanted to have read the original first. But since a bigger part of me thinks that stories where everything works out perfectly (with regards to love) are a little unrealistic (my own mother called my taste in literature a little twisted since I would rather read about the worst parts of human nature than the unrealistic love stories) - I figured the addition of zombies would even things out. The thing with this book, is that I really liked how quick and razor sharp some of the prose was. Jane Austen wins again. It actually made me want to read the original and try to see what changes were made. But it was good. Turns out classic literature and the supernatural go quite well together. I suppose when it comes down to it, I like the message that this book sent. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy didnt immediately fall in love. In fact they pretty much hated each other. But it was through small means, and looking at the other person in a different light, that their love grew. Not some ridiculous three day love. I love that Elizabeth rejected Mr. Darcy. And yet he continued to love her and in fact, developed a more noble sort of affection. Its a nice message to send home to the kids: Sometimes at the end of the day, all you want is someone to fight zombies with. That is love.

Welp thats all for now. Enjoy!

Copious Amounts of Whelmed

I'm overwhelmed.
Everyday comes with a torrent of things that need to be added to my ever growing to do list. Half of them I have no idea of how to accomplish. And they drop them like we should have been aware of these requirements the entire time. No - actually this is the first I'm hearing of it. And despite my blatant inadequacies, I keep pushing ahead. I'm tired.  I'm anxious. I just want to feel like I know what I'm doing. But instead I feel stressed. And I keep pushing ahead. I go through the motions, faking like I know what I'm doing. Continuing to book patients, see patients and fill out paperwork. And except the occasional facial slip that reveals just exactly how tense I am, I probably look like I'm doing alright. But I'm not. This new territory called clinic is too much. And no one tells you before hand anything. And I hate being told, "Oh you should have done this. Didnt you do this? This needs to be done." There's no freaking time. And before it was mentioned I had no idea it was necessary. Why did no one mention this before? And I want solid answers, not wishy-washy, "not sure"'s and "every person you talk to will give a different recommendation" type answers. I had my first non-dental student patient today. And the appointment went fine I suppose, but I came home and cried. The patient was great (even though he was late) and I got through most of what I had planned to accomplish today but I ended the appointment with a sure knowledge that I am in over my head. I need five years of experience under my belt. Hell, I'd settle for one. And I know, logically that the expertise will come with practice and experience. But I'm tired, I'm stressed and I want someone to guide me through this. All I want is a little hand holding. But there is no one and I'm supposed to just know what to do. I dont like this. I feel so unsure. But I have to act like I'm not unsure, like it isnt my first time. I dont like being unsure and never knowing which direction to head or if I'm doing it correct. It has me all out of sorts. And figuring out how to be in clinic is taking up the majority of my time right now. And I still have classes that need to be studied for. I wish they would put what we need to know in one spot. I wish they would of spent more time preparing us for the ACTUAL clinic (and all the realities it comes with - like paperwork). But mostly I wish I already knew everything I need to know.
I'm overwhelmed.

(Please note that despite my insecurities, procedure-wise I'm competent hence the advancement into clinic... its putting the patient care all together thats giving me grief)

Irony At Its Finest

Hey, i'm writing you a memo. Why? Don't ask why. Why is but the venture following the means that is what, and what this memo is is a reminder. A reminder for you to put away any despotic mental nuances that currently plague your mind from believing me when I speak of your endearing qualities.

- identity of author guessed at but not doubtlessly known

(This reminder was written with the intention of reaffirming the persons affections for me. I was supposed to find it and swoon at the sentiment. But instead I find it months after the fact. My "endearing qualities" no longer generate such affection. Where is that affection now? Lying in a ditch somewhere. I think its hilariously ironic)

Vacation Recap Boating at St. Mary's Dam Round I

This is Meribah.

She's one of the younger cousins (A good twenty years my junior). 

And pretty universally a favorite of all the older cousins.

We love taking pictures of her.

And helping her.

And often teasing her.

She's just a very fun little child for the most part.

And very, very likable.

We brought her boating with us and the Aunts had been told that she didnt like water.

This proved to be false. She went in the water with her clothes on she liked it so much.

We even got her on a (really tame) tube ride.

She death gripped it the entire time, but wanted to do it again the next day.

But boating with the cousins can be an event to say the least. One boat and fifty billion naggy little cousins who each think they should be the boss and dont have to worry about taking turns. But for the most part I was pleasantly surprised how well it turned out. There were annoying children, but there were some good ones too.

Elisha and Moroni.

Aunt Paula, Meribah, Peyton, Joe and my Dad.

While we were by the shore Maikal was resting on a tube. And when I looked over he had Peyton dragging him around in the water. He invited me to come join, so I asked if Peyton was alright with that. 

She was so I hopped on. Our Peyton engine is the best engine ever. She was so cute pulling us around. And if it got to deep we'd pull her up.

And her and Meribah were cute playing in the boat. We only managed to convince Peyton once to come on the tube. But she sat between Maikal and I, so it felt like a victory having her trust us to keep her safe, even tho we were going super slow.

My dad checking the new boating mirror out.

Maikal and I.

There was of course, a tube ride where the "Big" kids, showed the little kids how it was done. The untip-able tube was tipped. Twice. But only twice cause we were one well oiled group, with all our leaning; it was perfection.

Tell me thats not a hilarious picture?

Iohane, Me and Maikal.

These two in particular are two of my favorites.

Tho I do wish a cousin posse picture had been taken.

Cause I like group shots like that.

Letters

Dear Laundry Fingers -
Just so you know, the entire apartment building
(which consists of 3 apartments) shares the one
washer/dryer set. Sometimes, you have to wait
to do your laundry. Its a fact of life. So maybe you
could ease up on the impatience and not touch
my laundry. Because guess what? Now you have
to wait for me to finish using the dryer.
Kthankxbye.

Dear Jerkface Pedestrians -

Remember when we were  heading towards each 

other on a confined sidewalk?

Remember how I was running towards you, with 

a fence to my right?

Remember how you and your friends didnt even. 

attempt to make room for me to head past you on 

the sidewalk? 

Remember when you got hipchecked by me cause 

I could either slam into the fence or run through 

you?

Ya, you would probably get hip checked less, if 

you learned to be a bit less of a egocentric jerk on 

sidewalks. Cause next time I wont try to temper

me slamming into you.

Youtotallydeservedtogetlayedoutp.s.

Dear SPS -

I dont understand why my appointments

still say they are pending. They are real appointments

I swear. And I know you arent broken.

Lucinda booked an appointment after me and it already got

approved. You better not be an issue.

Because I'm not above becoming stressed

to the point of tears. (Even tho I find it

shameful.) And no one wants to see that.

Justworkdammitwork

Dear Saturday Candy -

You are already consumed.

And that too is shameful.

MmyesImmastresseater.

Dear Life -

Can you ease up a bit?

Yathadbenice.