Matt's Wedding - The Aftermath

Having Matty get married, while it being a happy affair, is also a little sad for me. Matt and I have been thick as thieves for as long as I can remember. I always worried that he would marry someone who would hate me, and therefore cause us more separation than was necessary. People joke that I was in every other picture of his slideshow, but Matt has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. And while I do realize that I'm gaining more than I'm losing, in the form of Tiffany and the Smith family, whom I love, and my brother's ultimate happiness (which is no small fact), the fact remains that I'm still losing something. I'm losing the person who was my ever companion, who would run away with me when I needed to run away, who would drive to my rescue when I needed him most. The phase of life where Matt and I are always together and getting to do the same things is over now (though I suppose it could be argued it ended when he left on his mission, though for me that felt more like a pause than an end). And for me, thats a little sad. His loyalties and time and attention go first and foremost to his lovely new wife. She is his best friend now. And while I know in my heart that this movement forward is good and right, its hard to feel left behind. Its hard to be left behind. Like my little brother is now the big brother and has moved on past me. Because things will not stay the same and they'll never be the same again. Our friendship wont ever be the same again. I feel a loss created by his progress. I love my brother. I love our late night talks on my bed. I love that he can so easily make me laugh when I'm feeling down. I love that I can just be my grumpy melancholy self and my faults dont matter because he knows me for who I am. I already miss him.

I'm a sentimental fool. And change is hard. Even when its good. I love that I have gained Tiffany and by association, Nicole and the Smith parents. Really love that. I couldnt of asked for better people to love and welcome Matt into their family. And I love that they have mistakenly decided I'm really cool. But I miss spending all my time with Matt on my vacations. And him moving to a new phase in life, while I understand that it doesnt diminish the fact that he is still my brother who loves me, makes me feel like he's a million miles away.

Like I said. Sentimental fool.

I'm sure that a new reality will eventually set in. One where the wonderfulness of the addition to the family will be fully realized. But change is hard. Even the good kinds.

Matt's Wedding - The Look

I spent months stressing over my appearance for Matt's wedding. Something about having to see people I used to go to high school with fills me with dread. Which I fully realize is a silly thing. Truthfully, I still feel like Matt's loser older sister, who dated a grade ten'er in grade twelve, and in order to combat that, I wanted to look amazing at Matt's wedding. I realize admitting that makes me sound super vain. And maybe thats what I am. But getting immortalized in big moment photos always puts me in a state where I just want to look spectacular. 

I spent a lot of time getting ready. I tried really hard. It took me months to find my outfit. It took me hours to do my hair. And it took me quite a bit of time to do my makeup. And I know I looked dramatic and more done up than my everyday. But I wanted the people who never see me to be astonished. I wanted to look more put together than I often feel. I wanted my best foot forward to be a kick in the pants so that if I started to feel small at least I would know that people werent whispering how I have gone downhill since high school. I wanted to be flawless on the outside, even if I'm not really flawless.

My mom and dad were good sports helping me get ready.

My mom stayed up late to help me get my hair in the rollers.

And when I woke up in the morning and my hair still wasnt dry, my dad went out and bought me a hair blow dryer.

There were doubts about how it would all turn out.

Especially considering I'd never done this with my hair.

My mom thought I should of tried it out before the wedding, in case it didnt turn out.

But when I put in this much effort to get ready, I really only have enough energy to do it once.

So I try things out and it becomes a do or die moment. Make it work or look wretched. I'm kinda risky like that.

I've never had anyone take pictures of me while I posed. 

It was quite awkward.

But my mom is a good sport.

Turns out that I'm super bad at posing.

Awkward? mmmyes.

Surprise Surprise

For Matt and Tiffany's wedding I wanted to do something special.

And I wanted it to be a surprise.

Cause sometimes I like surprises (at least when I'm doling them out).

Via blogs, I found a lovely artist - Emma aka Bambieyez and got the idea to get a custom piece of art done. I sent her a bunch of pictures and she worked her magic. 

The Finished Product

The Original

Some close ups

At first I wasnt sure how I felt about it.

Because I truthfully was picturing in my mind something different, more like what Lauren had done. But the more I looked at it and talked about it with my mom and Alisun, the more I realized how much I like it. Its just so unique. And really, Emma is amazing for putting her own flare to it and working with the vague idea of what I wanted but managing to have it still look like Matt and Tiff and turn out so great. So I have to thank Emma for doing such great work!

Pretty much I wish I had a reason to get a portrait done for myself!

When in Rome... Er Minneapolis.

Several things to notice:

1. This is not Alberta. Due to a lightning storm hanging out over the runway, my flight was redirected to Rochester. I dont even know where Rochester is. But we landed, got fuel and waited for the weather to clear up so we could go back to Minneapolis.

2. That t-shirt is not my t-shirt. Complimentary toiletry bag, complete with free shirt to sleep in... dont mind if I do.

3. This is not the airport. Small victory for travellers everywhere is getting to sleep in a bed when your flights get messed up. I'm really happy to crawl into one of those beds. The right one looks rather inviting.

It is amazing the difference three years can make. 

(Remember this?)

While I may have got mad at the cab company for making me late to the airport, I dont feel that same frantic need to go home.

The weather messing up my plans is no longer a personal assault against me.

It happens.

And at least I have somewhere to stay.

Though I officially think I may suck at travelling.

Because somehow, no matter what the time of year, I have issues.

1st Floor Endo

At BU, as pre-doc students, you have to be fairly pro-active if you want to do Root Canals. This is three fold: First, we have a Endo post-doc program that depends on us to refer them work. Second, pre-doc students arent allowed to molar endo unless we've done alot of root canal experience and get special permission. Third, in order to do a premolar/anterior root canal, you have to get it approved by the pre-doc Endo faculty members. And as with anything in school, getting something approved requires quite a bit of running around. 

I had a pulp exposure and did a pulpectomy on my patient on a Friday. 

It was a perfect case to do pre-doc Endo.

It took me an entire week to track down the faculty that could approve my case and book the appointment. 

My patient was a bit of a liar face, telling me she was in pain so that I would book the appointment faster. 

I set my Endo bay up.

But I felt ill.

Because pre-clin Endo is not the same as clinical Endo.

One thing I have learned about school, is that my first time doing anything never goes stellar. 

I did the root canal in two appointments.

The first appointment sucked quite a bit.

It was a combination of being mad that my patient manipulated me and the fact that I'd been on OD rotation for a week and was exhausted.

I filed and filed but everything felt tedious. And wasnt going the way I wanted it to. There was a tiny catch that was preventing my gutta percha cone from seating all the way and needed to be filed down more.

And my patient was giving me a hard time demanding why we couldnt just finish the root canal in one appointment.

And I felt off as a result.

So I sealed it back up and sent the patient away.

She came back this morning, and I was anxious about how the appointment would go.

But whereas last time, everything felt like it was a struggle, this time things just fell into place.

I worked on the catch I had felt last time, and it worked itself out.

And my down back was a site of beauty.

I finished early and whereas clinic made me want to pull my hair out last week, this was a pretty good start to my short work week. I really hope the trend continues for my next two appointments.

And my faculty member thought my thorough cleaning of the bay was amazing.

He told me he wanted to come visit me when I had my own practice so he could see if I continued to be so organized. And he asked if I'd come clean his house. 

What can I say, cleaning a bay is something I'm VERY good at. 

It never ceases to amaze me how good it feels to get a requirement checked off.

Like all is right with the world.

The feeling is always short-lived. But it is a great feeling while it lasts.

Choices

Options #1-4

Option #1

Option #4

I got invited to go to this Cotillion thing; Where you learn the dances from the Pride and Prejudice era. I debated what to wear. If I were more of a cutesie girl I would of worn Outfit #1. But for some reason I cannot bring myself to wear a skirt or dress if it isnt Sunday. So I opted instead for Outfit #4. And thank goodness. Because turns out Cotillion involves lots of jumping and shuffling. I felt a little dumb since my coordination skills arent always top quality, but it was fun. Some people were a little intense (Huzzah! - Its making a comeback). But by the time I left I didnt think I could lift my legs another step. Insta-sore. Turns out it wasnt poor living conditions that kept people thin back in the day. Because those dances were a lot of jumping. Shorts were definitely a good choice.

Charles Street Curlycakes

One Saturday, Lucinda invited me to go walk along a really cool street in Boston.

Going to school in Boston, sometimes it doesnt leave time to actually do cute, fun things in Boston.

So it was a welcome afternoon to walk and browse through all the cute little shops.

Alisun met up with us and we stumbled upon the cutest little cupcake shop.

Being trendy Bostonians, we got our cute to-go cupcake boxes and took them to the Commons to enjoy.

I know the pictures look sunny, but it actually was freaking cold this day.

But we chatted in the sun and ate our delicious cupcakes.

And it was a great break from life.

Seriously how great are these boxes!

8.9.11

school sucked today

Providence RI Rock & Roll Half-Marathon

I am a poser runner. I know I give off the impression that I might be hardcore... but I'm really not. When I tell you I run really slow, I'm not being modest. I'm being honest. For some reason though, people always over estimate my abilities. So signing up for this half marathon was kinda a big deal for me. I'm not a big runner. Small distances are still challenging to me.

I meant to train hard for this half. I meant to be a running machine. But somehow I seem to manage to fall short when preparing for big events. And not running seemed like a much better plan than running for the last few weeks. I guess after my 10 mile run, I fell apart and was pretty over running long distances. But there was still the matter of the half I'd signed up for.

The last three weeks I have managed to get one short run a week in. And I had to call that good. Even though those runs really sucked. So to say I was near hyperventilating over this half would be an understatement.

I woke myself up sleep talking last night. I dreamt about not running the half. And my stomach proceeded to be tense and full of hideous stomach flips. I was physically ill. Why I always am so ill prepared for big moments is beyond me. I guess cause somehow I always manage to make it through. But if a half marathon ever happens again, I swear I'll do a better job training for it. Cause this was rather unbearable.

I had a solid amount of acid reflux for the first 7 miles. My ankles hurt like a banshee. And mile 10 and 11? I dont even want to talk about how horrendous they were. But I kept running. Even when the run/walkers continued to leap frog around me. It poured rain the entire run. I might as well of gone swimming for how wet I was. But rain is greater than unbearable heat. So I count myself lucky. Because I'm not sure I could have done it in the heat. I only had to walk for a very short stint (0.3 miles) in Mile 11. Because I was over this whole half marathon business by Mile 11. But I kept telling myself I only had a couple more miles and that I could do it.

And indeed I did.

FYI: This Race started at 7am. That is hella early.

THE START

THE FINISH

I have run a half marathon. 13.1 Miles in 3:06:13.

It wasnt pretty by any means.
But I now know I have it in me to do it.

And look at the huge medal I got.

Pretty flashy.

Things to note:

I totally forgot a shirt to run in. So yes, I just wore the shirt I wore Friday.

My shoes definitely still had little rubber bits in them from playing softball - dang that turf field with its tiny rubber chips that hide in your shoes.

Run/walkers drive me crazy. Mostly because I hate passing people only to have them pass me thirty second later. 

Running while completely soaked is a bit much, but on the plus, you definitely dont have to worry about spilling water on yourself at the water stations.

I intensely dislike when the route winds past another part of the race. I dont want to be able to see the people who are like two miles ahead of me running. Its super disheartening to just pass the Mile 10 mark and have loads of people running past the Mile 12 mark in the opposite direction. Even worse was passing the Mile 11 mark and seeing people headed to Mile 13. 

Post-race bagels are the food of Gods. Even in the pouring rain. 

Rock and Roll

Its moderately hot.

Its humid.

And tomorrow its supposed to rain all freaking day.

Yup. Figures the weather would mirror my anxiety over this half marathon.

I quite literally might die.

Guess I shouldnt of been a huge slacker the last month.

Been nice knowing ya.

Just know I completely deserve the upcoming death, because I am completely unprepared for this race.