My Face

You are like getting shot in the face. And surviving.

You pulled the trigger and my world changed.

And I remind myself that all things must change. 

But that doesnt mean for the better.

Whereas once I could only see perfection, now I see vividly your imperfections.

And I hate you for them. 

I wonder how you could be so dense.

So cruel.

You threw me a towel to mop the blood.

And called that caring.

Cant you see that my face is changed?

I'm sure you secretly take pleasure in the power you now hold.

My only power is to be the one who cant take it anymore.
The one who screams out in pain and begs for you to stop.

You extend your hand to me, but the moment is cheapened.

Because I know there are many others receiving the same hand.
And that hand is used to hurt and not help.

But for now, I smile as I slowly bleed out.

An Education

Bonnie and I went to go see this movie.

Its a coming of age movie and I rather liked it.

First off, I love the look of the fifties slash early sixties.

I love their hair, makeup, the whole shebang. 

But more so it made me think.

She gave up everything she'd worked her whole life for. Gave it up for a dream she didnt even know she wanted until it presented itself. But this dream was more of an illusion. And vanished just as suddenly as it had appeared. 

Basically, if it seems too good to be true, it is. 

For me, hope is a fickle friend. You want it around, but sometimes it leads to some major disappointment. And so keeping it in balance is a challenge. I feel like I am so grounded in reality that hoping for something that more than often doesnt work out is such a slap in the face. It feels like betrayal every time. But without hope, life isnt quite right either. Awhile ago I had a good chat with my brother David Alan. About how everything needs to be balanced. Ya cant do too much of any one thing, because then you neglect the rest and thats not good. Too much of a good thing is not good. And I think that that applies to everything in life. Thats what I'm working on right now. Being more balanced. I'm not sure its going but sometimes ya just gotta give it a go and keep moving. 

So this is me keeping moving.

I try to sleep at regular hours.

I try to exercise.

I try to read a little.

Sometimes I feel like all I do is try.

I'll let ya know if that ever changes.

The Days Are Coming To An End

Today was my final day at Hall Dental. I mean technically APEX continues for another two weeks, but I made arrangements to spend the last two weeks with my dad slash not working. I feel like a break wouldnt be a terrible thing before I head back to Boston. But Paul and Pauline Hall (siblings FYI and not husband and wife) have really been so good to me. They are two of the nicest people ever. And I have loved being at their office. Honestly its one of the most pleasant offices I've ever been in. But seeing as today was my last day, its only fitting that it would be a sugar high day... There were cupcakes and sugar cookies sent from another dental office... And I got called into the back room right before lunch to find this... three DQ ice cream cakes.

And to finish my lunch of cupcakes, cookies, ice cream cake, I added a tart.

It was magic.

And had me on a sugar high all afternoon.

Vid-yo

Welp... sometimes Bonnie's iPhone helps document our lives...

Confession Time

Dear Trent, Cody and Peter.
Remember when you started texting Bonnie and I about beating us to the new mall between Calgary and Airdrie? Remember how we didnt find you in the mall for quite some time? Remember how we said we were parking and could be easily found?

Turns our Bonnie and I are liars (and FYI totally not racist).
When the boys were texting us they were getting off the plane at the airport, we were an hour away. And we sent them a continuous stream of either "vague location" texts or "blustery overly confident losers buy winners smoothies" texts. Funny tho.

For real tho... held accountable? Joking lie? BAHHAHAH.

Superbowl Present

Ben is thoughtful like this.

As is my poppa.
See that sandal? Ya... about three years ago my favorite sandals of all time finally bit the big one.
Which was fair since I'd had them since grade nine.
Six years for one pair. But the devastating part was that I couldnt find another pair that I loved as much. Apparently, since that point, my dad has been looking for a replacement for me.
My dad is awesome.
I love superbowl parafanalia.
And I love sandals that can be worn with socks in the winter.
My dad knows me too well.

Hey There Baby Girl

Welcome To The World.

Introducing Reese Veia Lowry

Born February 6, 2010

7 lbs 12 ounches, 21 inches

I went over to Dave and Nat's and spent some time. Took about sixty pics. It was necessary. So far I'm the only person from our family to see this new addition... considering David Alan, my parents and Ben were at the super bowl, Josh and Matt are on missions and Lindsay is away at school in Vancouver. Sadly I was in Calgary on Saturday... dang baby had to come early so I couldnt immediately see her. But I've come to a couple conclusions about babies. First and foremost... they are weird. And second and more specifically to this babe, she looks WAY different than Ryder and Katie.

Speaking of those children. They are adorable. And love their new sister.

Ryder held Reese for a little bit. 

 And Katie was very protective of the new child.

She didnt want her cousin Livvy to touch Reese at all.

And then she did this... 

Yup... she was putting the blanket on Reese and tucking her in.

It was freaking adorable. 

Love these children.

But I've learned a couple things about new baby Reese that I thought I'd share.

1. Girl has a blonde swack of hair. 

Yup... Ryder was kinda a light colored baby (FYI Katie was not)... but this new little girl is even lighter than Ryder was. Genetics is insane is what it comes down to... 

2. Just call her one eye.

First off, she was a sleepy little child (I'm told that eventually she'll wake up and the horror will ensue). But she would kinda open her eyes... and by eyes clearly I only mean one of them. Little pirate. It was pretty funny. Mostly cause my family secretly has this love affair with pirates. One Eye aka Iohane anyone?

3. Girl has great legs.

And by great clearly I mean anorexic thin. Nat always has really skinny babies. And sure this one is different from Ryder and Katie and a little more filled out (she is the biggest baby they've had)... but I couldnt get over how flipping skinny her legs were. Seriously babies are weird.

4. Baby Girl has the LONGEST fingers I've ever seen.

They are freakishly long.

She's gonna be so good at piano.

Apparently I'm not the only person that noticed.

Nat's sister Lacey apparently brings it up constantly. 

5. The more I looked, the more I liked.

I'll be the first to admit sometimes it takes awhile for people

to grow on me. And at first this child just looked so different

I wasnt sure I'd love her as much as Ryder and Katie. Those

two are just so flipping cute. But after having spent several

hours holding her, I can safely say that she is lovely. The

longer I held her, the more beautiful she became to me. She

doesnt look as much like our family as Ryder and Katie, but

she's still ours. And I love her and am so happy to have her.

I think its her nose and chin that look the most different from Ryder and Katie. Here pictures of all three just after being born.

Good Time Girls

I love my friends. Bonnie, Cathy and I are so great (in a completely not conceded way). This weekend has been filled with many fun filled events.

1. Bonnie and I stopped at the classic Claresholm 7-11. 
That place is a bloody dream. A dream of fried chicken 
kabobs, potato wedges and corn dogs! YUM!

2. I love my friends. Seriously, there is something completely safe 

and comforting about going and just being yourself, and laughing. I 

have laughed so much this weekend. We say funny things, we do 

funny things. And I love every minute. We headed to the new C-town 

mall, and wandered. We ended the mall moment in Le Chateau. Cathy 

found THE dress. The one that is perfectly suited to who she is as a 

person. This dress is her. As such, it was magic. Bonnie and I also 

showed a couple little numbers. By the end, we almost had Bonnie 

convinced to buy the leather dress she tried on. All sorts of hilarity. 

And dont get me started on leather jackets... boy oh boy. My friends 

are funny.                                     .                    .                                . 

3. The Wilderman family. Erin Wilderman was in Cath's dental hygiene class and when we go to Calgary we stay at her parents house. This family is hilarious. And wonderful. They made us breakfast both mornings (pancakes and french toast + bacon). They helped deck Bon and Cath out for the wedding we were going to. And are the most wonderfully hospitable family I've ever met. Saturday we spent the entire day just laughing and talking. And there wasnt a moment of boredom with them around.

4. The fact that the wedding program was BRUTAL. And had a one woman show. 

Just so its known, talking awkwardly about the couples' terrible break ups... not kosher. 

Bon Tron, C-Fresh and I have made a pact that no awkward break up talk will be part

of our wedding programs. I mean for heaven's sake, this woman sang "Its raining men..."

and "Celebrate good times" ... It was a train wreck. But we couldnt look away.

5. Meet Peter

If only Peter hadnt been too cool two years ago.

He's a Saskatchewan friend with Cody and Trent.

And hilarious. He was a welcome addition to our

usual five. Funny guy. Real shame we werent 

friends sooner.

6. Both Friday and Saturday we ended up at Cody's house.

And even tho we just sat around talking and laughing, it was

such a good time. Call us for a good time. For real. We are great.

7. Funny moments where first I was teaching Bonnie how to snuggle. 

Which did not work out so hot. But I will give her an award for most improved. 

But she left me for Cody (understandable) and Cathy and Trent invited me to

join them. As they spooned on the tiny love seat. So I had Peter push the couch up

to box me in. It was super funny. Especially when Cody's roommate Jordan came

home and got a three handed wave from the love seat. Cause without the three

handed wave, pretty sure he wouldnt of been able to see Cathy. She's just a little

girl who got absorbed into Trent and my bodies. Hilarious moment? Yes. Are

my friends and I a little too comfortable with each other? Most likely.

8. So after church today we watched 

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

Can I just say that I am in love with 

Christian Slater. Seriously... he is

a nineties dreamboat. The entire movie

I was in love. Might have been a bit 

much. But after the movie finishes, 

Bryan Adams "Everything I Do"...

Cathy and I start slow dancing. Yup... 

stop judging. We were slow dancing 

and it was going quite well if I do say

so myself. I mean, after we figured out

who was gonna be the boy that is (me

FYI). So I tell Cath I cant remember

how to dip someone and am gonna try.

Cathy is all for this. So I spin her in, start

to dip her and my feet and hers come out 

from under us. Cathy slams her head into

the tv stand, speaker and table. And then

has me fall on top of her. I felt so bad. She's laughing tho. And Bonnie tells

me that, that was really awkward to watch. Bonnie called my dancing

awkward... thats saying something. So we're laughing on the floor and I'm

apologizing to Cath. She's feeling her head and pulls her hand away... and it 

is bloody. Now I'm really apologizing. I dropped her and she smashed her

head and cut it. I felt so bad. Needless to say, I dont think we'll be dancing

again. Sorry Cath. My bad. Turns out I wasnt meant to be the boy.

Seriously. So sorry Cath. I love you?

This weekend was excellent. Right now dinner is in the oven. I have great friends. Seriously GREAT!

P.S> This is love

: ... ... .... (

Things I dislike today:
- people feeling obligated to include me
- people pitying me
- people who dont mean what they say


That is all.

To Brittney and Cathy - Suck It.

Melissa and Bonnie here.
You should be afraid girlies. Very afraid.
For those who dont know, Brittney and Cathy are known to be work out hardcores. So when they found out Bonnie was coming south for the month of February, they suggested a friendly competition - long haired blondes vs. short haired brunettes. The name of the game? Log the most work out hours (with a two hour cap per day of course... we arent insane). Really what it comes down to consistency.
They think they have this in the bag. Bonnie has been to the gym a total of six times in the twenty one years of her life (all of which were last week). Melissa has had her moments of hardcoreness... but they involved Cathy and her slave driving.

But we will not be beat. The gauntlet is thrown down.  

Lets log todays battle:

4:15 - 4:19: Get monthly gym pass

4:19 - 4:21: Put our earthly possessions in a gym cubby (its safe, I promise!)

4:21 - 4:51: Bike-o-rama (and yes... Melissa asked after fifteen if she could quit. Did she keep going tho? Double yes!)

4:51 - 4:53: Lets get hydrated... at two separate water fountains... sometimes we hate lines for water.

4:53 - 5:37: Arm weights and leg weights (And yes... Bonnie is a weight lifting machine... there's nothing she cant rock)

5:37 - 5:40: Hydration Yo!

5:40 - 5:55: Convinced Bonnie that running isnt the worst thing ever (aka we totally hopped on the treadmills) ... And now she agrees.

5:55 - 6:05: Stretch that. Cause we needed it. And its healthy.

6:12 - 6:34: Winsor Pilates Abs... Bonnie claims she's aweful... its not true. She worked it like a pro.

Check that! TWO HOURS BABY!

To the victors go the smoothies.